I Stayed: Healing Past Hurt, Betrayal & Infidelityنموونە

Seeing the Way God Does

“Don’t divorce your husband.” I remember those words prophesied to me years ago like it was yesterday. I had gone to visit my neighbor unannounced, not knowing what was waiting for me inside. When I arrived, I was surprised to find an older woman there whom I had never met. As soon as our eyes connected, she stared at me intently and said, “You know you’re not here by accident, right?”

“Sure!” I replied, confused.

“Don’t divorce your husband. He treats you the way he does because he was abused as a child, but God is going to heal his heart. God wants you to see him the way He does.”

At the time, I didn’t know everything my husband had done, but I did know that he didn’t consistently treat me the way I deserved to be treated. So, after receiving that prophecy, I found myself asking God from time to time, “Ummmmmm, Lord? When is your prophecy going to come to pass?” Over time, I grew weary and often wanted to end my marriage.

Fast forward eight years and my husband and I were walking at a lake when he told me everything. He said that God had been dealing with him to tell me the truth. After he told me, as the days went by, I began to see that prophecy unfold before my eyes, but not without a fight.

God reminded me of the command I received in that prophecy. I say command because that’s what it was. I knew it wasn’t merely a suggestion. God wanted me to see my husband the way He does.

The day I left my neighbor's home after receiving that prophecy, I walked next door to my house and found my husband in the garage, fixing my son's bike. But when I saw him, I saw him with a new set of eyes. I saw a young hurt boy who had been taken from his hero, his father. I saw a boy who had been physically abused by his mother’s boyfriend. I saw a boy who had been sexually abused by a trusted youth leader at church.

I saw a boy.

I saw a boy who had reached out for help, but those who should’ve helped him didn’t. I saw a boy who was let down by everyone he gave his heart to. I saw a boy who went through life allowing his trauma to make his decisions and dictate his every move, including pushing me away for fear that I would hurt him like everyone else.

Now, are these things excuses for what he did? Of course not. God didn’t say to me, “Make excuses for what he did.” God said, “See him the way I do.” So, I chose to be obedient, and I stayed, and saw him the way God does. I read online once where someone said, “Women who choose to stay after being cheated on are so delusional. They wear staying with a man who cheated on them like a badge of honor.” I’m not wearing staying after being cheated on as a badge of honor. I’m wearing obedience as a badge of honor. No matter what people may say or think, if you hear God telling you to stay, and if you feel in your heart that you should stay, stay. Just like how Noah was obedient despite what people must have thought, so should you.

Should he have done the work to heal before we got married? Of course. But that’s not how our story went, and that’s ok. Because God knew that boy in the garage was going to heal as a man one day, and he equipped me to walk alongside him as he healed. After choosing to see him the way God does, I no longer saw him by his mistakes and my love for him grew. At that point, I wanted to stay. Not because God told me to, but because I wanted to. I wanted both him and our marriage.

Your husband and even you may have some healing to do from past trauma. Whether from your childhoods or from things that happened to you as adults. I encourage you both to see each other the way God does and do the work to heal. For us, that work included a faith-based licensed professional counselor. God was at the center of our healing and He’s now at the center of our marriage. Push past your pain, and put God back in His rightful place. He is the center. You can do this.

Read and meditate on today’s scriptures and spend time journaling your thoughts and feelings. Conclude your thoughts with a life statement where you speak life to your situation. For example, "Today I’m feeling broken, but I will not always feel this way."

Keep fighting. You will grow, you will overcome, and you will heal past hurt, betrayal, and infidelity.