Process vs. Purpose

Your son got into a fight with the kids on the street.

Your toddler won’t share toys.

Your teenager grows quieter and more self-loathing every day.

It all confirms your worst suspicions: you are a terrible parent and should never have been trusted with these precious souls. You are ruining them and incapable of teaching them how to love God and others.

Except . . . that’s not what God says. He chose you to parent these little ones, knowing every one of your weaknesses and failures. He knows the struggles of having a rebellious child. He knows your inexperience, lack of knowledge, your impatience. But don’t forget; he also knows your strengths and special talents—the very qualities he created in you! And because of all this, he placed you as a leader for your specific children.

When we are feeling inadequate, we can learn from the words of Paul in the Bible as he worked to teach others about Jesus. He pointed out that it was best that he didn’t know everything, as he wanted people to worship God, not him.

At first, I was weak and trembling with fear. When I talked with you or preached, I didn't try to prove anything by sounding wise. I simply let God's Spirit show his power. That way you would have faith because of God's power and not because of human wisdom.

1 Corinthians 2:3-5 (CEV)

When we face our weaknesses and our children’s inadequacies, we can look for God to work where we can’t. We don’t have to despair over ruining our children. When we bemoan that we can’t help our kids, we rely on our power and frequently confuse two separate issues.

Advisor Matt Tommey puts it this way for artists: he encourages them not to confuse process questions with purpose questions. He says just because a person doesn’t know how to do something doesn’t mean they aren’t supposed to be an artist. Similarly, just because you and your kids have hit a speed bump in their spiritual growth doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. Don’t let a process question like “how to teach them to be kind” affect a purpose question like “am I a failing parent.”

The Lord has chosen you. He has put you here in this place, in this marriage, in this set of circumstances, in this life, with these kids. He has decided to use flawed people to disciple his children. And he has the wisdom and power to get it done, both in your life and your kids. Don’t doubt his plan or ability to accomplish his grand and eternal purposes.

PRAY

Oh, Father God, forgive me for my doubt. You can teach these children and have chosen to do it through me. Thank you for entrusting me with this great responsibility. Lead me, Lord. Amen.

TIME TO TALK

Conversation starter for kids: Provides you with questions and prompts to facilitate a time of applicable discussion with children to lead them towards knowing God and His Word more deeply.

Question(s): What is God teaching you right now? Is there any way I can help you learn?

Apply: Don’t be afraid to be honest with your children. If you feel that right now God is teaching you how to be a godly parent, tell them. Showing your vulnerability will help them understand you and show them by example that it’s healthy to share our emotions with others.

KEEP IT GOING

Related passages: These additional verses will help parents expand Scriptural knowledge and place on the armor of God’s Word to tackle each day. Swipe to read the passages today.

Philippians 2:12-13

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24