Made to Relateنموونە

Singleness

For our modern context, a good way to understand what Jesus is doing in Matthew 19 is talking about those who do not marry and pursue celibacy. In the context of Matthew 19, Jesus’ point is that marriage isn’t something that should be entered into lightly, and if you will not remain committed to your spouse, it is better not to marry at all. In the ancient world, a eunuch was someone who did not have sexual relations, and therefore did not marry. Below are three categories of those who are celibate that we can get from Jesus’ statement.

• Celibates from birth - Those for physical reasons, lack of sexual desire, or wanting to honor God and not pursue non-God-honoring sexual desires, remain celibate
• Dedicated celibates - Those that desire marriage, or to be married again if widowed/divorced, but since they are not currently married, they strive for celibacy
• Vowed celibates - Those who have sexual desire but intentionally refrain from marriage and remain single to do things for the Lord or in their life that they could not do if they were married (i.e. many priests, nuns, or even the Apostle Paul himself)

In an effort to honor God’s design for sexual relationships, celibates are singles who refrain from sexual relations (even in spite of their desires) in order to honor the Lord.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes about singleness. While he says a lot, his point is that there are benefits to being married and there are benefits to being single – both have advantages. Particularly in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul highlights why singleness is not only a good thing but is perhaps something more people should consider. What is clear here is:

• Singles are not second class citizens
• Singleness is not a punishment
• Marriage is not the ultimate goal, following Jesus is

Particularly in the Church, singleness can sometimes be viewed as an inferior position compared to being married. But Paul says no such thing, and in fact encourages singleness as an equally faithful option.

In Matthew 12:46-50 Jesus says that entrance into God’s family has nothing to do with one’s bloodline, but one’s faith. The implication is that God’s family expands by making disciples, not just by married Christians having children and raising them in the faith.

All of this means that one’s marital status has no bearing on one’s faithfulness. While there is nothing wrong with desiring a spouse, there is also nothing wrong with not having one. Which means as followers of Jesus, we must ensure that those who are single are not viewed or treated as junior varsity Christians. It means those who are single should be given and entrusted with as much leadership in the church as those who are married. It means we shouldn’t equate someone’s relationship status with their worth.

After all, our savior came and lived as a single man, and he was the most faithful of all.

Today’s reflection

For those that are married: What can I do this week to ensure a single friend feels cared for? (Could I invite them over for dinner with my family, seek out their advice on something, or do I need to apologize for something I have said that minimized their singleness if they desire marriage?)

For those that are single: In what ways have I viewed my singleness as inferior to marriage? How do the Scriptures encourage me that my relationship status does not define me?