Marriage in Crisis: Finding Hope and Help in the Gospelنموونە

Consider the Curse

By David Fine

“Then the man said, ‘The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”—Genesis 3:12 (NKJV)

The woman YOU gave me made me do it! This statement by Adam to God at the beginning of creation paints a clear picture of the challenges we have today in our marriages. If we examine this story carefully, we’ll find some fascinating truths that illuminate what is happening in our hearts as we’re in conflict with our spouses.

Let’s review what happened. God gave Adam one command: “Do not eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil” (Genesis 2:16–17). God also expected Adam as the ‘priest’ of his home to make sure he would lead his family on a path honoring to the Lord and obedient to Him. But that’s not what wound up happening. A few verses later, we see Eve in a conversation with the serpent in which he deceived her and convinced her to eat of the forbidden tree.

The question is, “Where was Adam?” Was he sleeping? Did Eve sneak away from him to eat the fruit by herself? No! Adam was standing right next to her and allowed his wife to be in a conversation with the devil, asking her to do exactly what God asked them not to do. Genesis 3:6 (NIV) tells us, “She took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, WHO WAS WITH HER, and he ate it” (Genesis 3:6 NIV, emphasis added).

When God confronted Adam and Eve about what they did, He didn’t call for Eve, who sinned first. He called for Adam, the priest of the home, to account for what happened. Adam’s response to God is fascinating. He basically said, “The woman YOU gave to me MADE ME EAT.” Adam passed blame first to God for giving him the woman and then finally to Eve, never taking ownership that he violated God’s command by his own will.

In the curse that follows (Genesis 3:14–19), man gets separated from a holy God because of sin. Adam has to “toil in the fields” as making a living would be laborious and burdensome, and Eve will experience painful childbirth. But the part of the curse that is most interesting is when God tells Eve, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16 NIV). This verse points out a fascinating intricacy of the sinful nature of man and woman that we see manifest in our marriages today.

God designed the husband to be the spiritual leader of the home, and he will be held accountable by God for how he leads his family. We see this because God first confronts Adam on their sin. But because Adam allowed Eve to lead him spiritually and followed her into sin, it seems to reflect on a condition of the heart of men to take a spiritual “back seat” in the marriage and renounce their God-given position as ‘priest’ of the home by letting their wives take the lead. We also see Eve’s condition in our marriages. Built into the sinful nature of women is the tendency to want to take charge and lead the husband spiritually.

This distortion of God’s plan for marriage manifests in many different ways depending on each individual’s personality, but the root cause is the same. Built into our sinful nature’s fabric are the tendencies that Adam and Eve displayed in the garden.

To the Husbands

One of the busiest days of the year in churches across the country is Mother’s Day. Oftentimes, a mother’s strongest desire on her day is to see her family in church—and she makes sure they get there. On the other hand, Father’s Day is one of the slowest days of the year in churches, with church attendance down considerably from the previous weeks. Where are the men on their day? Fishing? Playing golf? Sleeping in? One day every husband will stand before God and account for how they lead their families. We must fight the sinful urge to be spiritually stagnant and make sure that our wives see us humbly leading them and our children towards a path honoring to the Lord and bringing our family closer to Him. This doesn’t mean we’re to be domineering. On the contrary, Jesus is the King of kings and Lord of lords; yet, He washed His disciples’ feet and gave His life up for His bride on the cross, and He asks us to follow this heart (Ephesians 5:25). A man can give no greater expression of love than when a husband takes charge and leads his family towards Jesus.

To the Wives

One thing we need to be clear on: We should not confuse “spiritual leadership” of the home with strength, wisdom, or management. Even the most mature married Christian man is blessed by a strong, intelligent woman who loves the Lord and speaks deeply into the heart and direction of the home. Your spiritual gifts and wisdom are paramount to the success of your marriage, provision for your home, and the raising of your children. The challenge is to remember not to let the serpent use your strength to dominate and sin against your husband. Instead, be in prayer about how to utilize your strength and passion in a way that points towards godly success while still honoring your husband and the responsibility God gave him. Remember that he will stand in front of God one day and give an account, just as Adam did. Know that while your husband may be the spiritual head of the home, you are the spiritual heart of the home, and the condition of your heart (healthy or bitter) will overflow into your marriage and your home. Ephesians 5:22 instructs wives to give honor to their husbands as unto the Lord—even though they may not act honorable sometimes. In your husband’s moments of weakness, there’s nothing more life-giving to him than to have a wife who has a heart for Christ, speaking life and honor over him.

Pause: Have you ever considered how our sinful natures play a role in how you act toward your spouse?

Practice:

Husbands

This week, make it a priority to lead your family by spending time in prayer, in devotions, and by bringing them to church. Find a way to lead and serve your wife by laying down your life (thoughts, desires, etc.) for her as Jesus commands.

Wives

This week, find ways to speak honoring words to your husband that lifts his spirit and is not demeaning or critical. Think of ways you can fulfill all of your essential responsibilities in the home while honoring your husband along the way.

Pray: Lord Jesus, I pray for my spouse that You would bless them and minister to their heart. If there is any way I can follow Your will for my life biblically, please reveal that to me. Give me a heart to trust in You and Your Word, and give me the courage to live out my faith in a way my spouse will see and be blessed by. I believe in the words in Your Holy Bible, and I will seek to honor and to serve You as You lead me to an abundant and fulfilled life.