Day 6: Money Fights

“Arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce,” says Sonya Britt, a researcher at the University of Kansas. She states, “It’s not children, sex, in-laws, or anything else. It’s money – for both men and women.”

I once asked a wise senior business leader for advice on a problem I faced in a company. He said, “It is impossible to prosper when there is war. You must seek peace first; then you will prosper.” His insight immediately opened my eyes to the solution. I went and made peace with my adversary. Once that was accomplished, our energies were refocused on growing the company. The advice worked.

It also works in marriage. Oftentimes, we are passively–or aggressively–in conflict with our spouse. Without peace, a marriage cannot reach its full potential. A lack of unity directly relates to financial struggles and impacts decision-making.

Step One

Seek to become peacemakers in your home. It requires listening to, honoring, and learning from each other. It aids in resolving arguments, division, and discord. Aim to make three tips your habits:

1. Be the first to apologize.
2. Speak with gentle, healing words. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” (Proverbs 15:1-2 ESV)
3. Cultivate your friendship. It’s a key to a fulfilling marriage.

C.S. Lewis said, “Love in this second sense–love as distinct from ‘being in love’–is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.” He understood that just as choosing to react negatively can become a habit, we can choose to love and make it a habit.

Practical Tips

• Be honest. Do not keep any financial secrets.
• Learn and respect each other’s financial personalities. Givers and Savers are both needed.
• Exercise self-discipline. Stop overspending.
• Work together setting realistic goals then make a plan to achieve them.
• Track your spending to build a budget.
• Go to a needs-based budget for a time to create some margin.
• Build an emergency fund.
• Pray together before making any large purchases. Wait until you agree and have peace.
• Pray for delivery from any addictions. They’re costly.
• Acknowledge mistakes. Confess and seek forgiveness, and then learn from them.
• Acknowledge your spouse’s wisdom. Verbally encourage progress!
• Negotiate, reduce and stagger your bills.
• Plan something fun each week.
• Find a wise couple to mentor you.

Commit, as a couple, to learn what God says about money. If you align your values with Him, you can agree with your spouse about money. Many people simply don’t realize that their spending habits conflict with Biblical values.

Peace is the oil that makes the engine of your marriage run smoothly despite your differences. Peacemaking is the foundation for the unity, which in my view is the key to lasting satisfaction, joy, and intimacy in marriage.

Recognize that if you are not actively moving toward Jesus, a subtle but powerful riptide is pulling you away. An enemy seeks to diminish and destroy faith and marriage. You and your spouse must develop a Biblical worldview about money. Everything you have is God’s. Together, you and your wife can bring Him glory by stewarding well what He provides.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

Marriage is a Wise Investment

A strong marriage is a foundation for strong families – which are the backbone of society. Studies show that marriage makes you happier and increases your net worth and the likelihood of affluence. So it’s crucial for couples to consciously invest time and money in their relationship.

Love and honor each other and commit to building your marriage on God’s philosophy of money. Know what the Bible teaches, then study and learn each other’s personality and philosophy of money. This will help you determine specific roles to ensure success.

Crown Financial Ministries has been teaching Biblical stewardship principles like the ones in this study for 45 years. Additional financial tools, resources, and YouVersion studies are available on our website at www.crown.org. Click here to learn more about Money Problems, Marriage Solutions. It will be our privilege to serve you.