Intentionally Missionalنموونە

Forgiveness

In the devotional that I was reading the morning of my motto accident in Cambodia, the author posed a very good question: “Do the difficulties, inequities, and mysteries of life cause me to give up in despair or convince me to trust in the One who sends me out to proclaim the message that Love will conquer sin and suffering?”

I do not remember much about the accident except for the image that replays in my head — my husband and I dusting ourselves off, picking up our motto and continuing to ride the busted vehicle home. No words and no sound came out of our mouths, just silence.

Were we tempted to yell at the youth on the bike who was going the wrong way straight towards us? Sure. Did we get hurt because no one appeared to be concerned about our predicament? Yes. Were we disappointed that no one came up to us and asked if we were ok? Definitely.

But how would the scene reflect God’s character if we lashed out and did everything else our self-centeredness wanted us to do?

Forgiveness is by no means easy. That’s why we need to be reminded that we are forgiven first, lest we forget that we too are sinners. The work here, like anywhere else if your work involves loving people, will be difficult, sometimes excruciatingly so.

Therefore, we need to be FILLED with his Spirit. Our own strength will fail us. Our own will has its limits. Even our desire to love well will be challenged. But, if I stand here knowing full well WHO sent me and WHY then I have an anchor to hold onto.

A day or two after the accident, my husband and I finally found words to process together. We concluded that it’s not helpful to dwell on the incident. We did not want to cast blame or try to justify our anger, hurt and frustration.

Someone said to us as we told them about our accident that they hope it’s the first and last time. My dear husband said, “I hope so too!” To which I inwardly said to myself, “not a chance!!!” With the crazy way traffic is here in the busy city of Phnom Penh, I don’t believe this is our last time. I’m not being morbid, nor do I wish to have another accident, but I am too much of a realist to think that this accident is our last in the bustling city of PP.

However, I hope and pray that when something else occurs that seems to push us closer to calling it quits that I would pause, reflect and go back to WHO and WHY I am here. That way, my response is not fight or flight. Instead, I want to learn and grow. Some of my most difficult trials have resulted in a profound knowledge of my God. And I almost always come out of these painful experiences stronger and wiser.