The Mess of Motherhood: Leaning on Your Good Father to Figure It All Outنموونە

2:00 a.m. and Desire

My bright shining one, there is color all around you. You radiate hope. You emanate me. 

I see you. I know you. You are given rest. You are loved and not forgotten. You are found and held. 

You are my darling one who speaks healing with her words. You are my song, my poemia, my making, my beauty who lets me show you how special you are, in my name. 

My lovely one, close your eyes now. For I am here, in the long days. I am here, in the uncertainty. I am here, in the exhaustion. I am here, in the wondering of what’s next and when and how. 

Those children you hold? That husband you commit to? They are mine. I give you new eyes to believe in what you can’t readily see—the promise of my life in you, the good plan I have for you and for all the children I call my own. Come now, I create you. What I create is not mundane.

My love is what sustains you. My love awakens you to remember me, even when you feel so distracted—weary, complacent, forgetful of me. You can easily convince yourself you are missing me. But I meet you right here. Even right here. Reject the lie that you are far from me. 

I am here, in your desire of me. Awake now. 

I see you in your glory. Step in deeper now. 

I restore you. Receive freedom now. 

I silence the lie that the moments at the sink washing dishes, or in the bedroom cleaning a child, or in the night feeding a baby, or in the home loving your husband mean you are sleeping, that you are not awake to your life, that your life is mundane. All work is holy work when you see me in it. 

No, you are not missing me. 

Love is never mundane.

Exercise & Prayer

Read Mark 5:35–43. Lie down in a comfy spot, where it is quiet and no one will disturb you for a few moments. (If you’re a mom with young kids, I understand this is a challenge!) Once you’ve read the passage and are lying down, imagine you were once dead, but Jesus leans over you, pronounces you alive, says you are only sleeping, and asks you to rise. 

Ask God about the ways you have been sleeping in your life. How have you become complacent? How have you been too timid? Ask him what desires he has placed in your heart, what new things he has for you. 

Now imagine Jesus speaking directly to you. Listen to him say, “_________ arise,” and open your eyes. Write down the ways you have been asleep and the ways God is inviting you to awake to the full life he has for you.

Father, wake me up. I don’t want to sleepwalk, missing you in the simple moments of my life. Show me how I have been unaware of your presence in me. Awaken me to identity in you; make me hungry for the desires you place in my heart. Show me how I can experience you, uniquely, in my work, my relationships, my choices in my life. Show me how I can experience you everywhere. You have more for me than I can imagine. And I want to trust you and pursue you with my whole life. I’ll no longer go only halfway. This is the life you’ve given me. Help me to want to experience you in all of it. I pray your promise, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). Amen.