My Tech-Wise Lifeنموونە

Privacy and Secrets [by Andy]

Dear Amy,

Speaking of secrets: I think by now you and I, and our readers, have a secret in common—this reading plan isn’t really about technology.

Of course, technology is part of it. But what is clearer and clearer as we work through these ideas is that this time is really about something much bigger than our devices. And I think that yesterday, you introduced something especially big: the idea that privacy is good but secrets are not.

This is so fundamental. I wish I had learned this much earlier in my life. There is a lot that I keep private—many things only your mom knows, or only a few close friends know. But I am relentlessly trying to eliminate secrets from my life—things that only I know (and, I suppose, that God knows, whether I tell him or not). Nothing good in my life has ever come from having secrets.

And that’s why this reading plan is not really about technology. Because the only way to be really known, known by name and known well, is to leave the privacy of our devices behind and tell our secrets in person to friends and family we can trust. It is absolutely amazing what happens when we do that.

Not everyone feels like they know anyone they can trust with their deepest secrets. Sometimes naming the hardest truths of our lives without our names attached can be a first step toward healing. But real healing ultimately leads to real relationships. If the only place you share the deep secrets of your life is online, anonymously, they’ll just grow in destructive power. But share them in person, face-to-face with someone whom you know loves you, and the things that seemed so powerful when they were secrets burn away like mist, leaving behind real love.

Technology sure makes it easier to go down the path of anonymous secrecy. But it can’t bring us back home, back to life. Only real love can do that. Fortunately, there are still people and places in this world where you can find that kind of love. I will keep praying for you, that you’ll find those places and create them for others.

Love, Dad

Pay attention to your secrets. They might be scandalous, or they might be mundane. Choose to do the hard work of sharing them. I promise it’s far better to bear burdens with another when you accept that asking for help is a good step to take.