Sin of Withholdingنموونە

Withholding Forgiveness

Jesus loved to tell stories. I want to share a familiar story with you, and focus on the sin of withholding and how a withholder sees people as objects, not souls.

Matthew 18:23-27: Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go.

This king valued his servant’s soul and their relationship and freed the servant from his debt. Now, we can all agree that this would be a great day for anyone of us.

Verse 28 says: But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

It is clear here that this forgiven man did not value the relationship or the soul of this man. In my experience with withholders, they tend to operate on giving little to no grace. 

The pattern of a withholder is to impact and punish another person. Often treating others as if they have no value and are continually creating strategies for punishment for others. The withholder will activate these strategies without any thought that there would be any consequences for their behaviors.

If you’re in a relationship with a withholder, you will feel like you have little to no value and that you are being punished or pushed aside. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t matter how much forgiveness the withholder has received. The grace given to the withholder doesn’t flow toward others, rather judgement and consequences for those they are withholding from.

In verse 32, “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This man, like the servant in the talent story in Matthew 25, lost the privilege to live at his house, lost his relationships with others, and had severe consequences for withholding forgiveness toward another. There will always be consequences for withholding, not only for the withholder but for the one that is being withheld from. 

Jesus ends this story with a stern warning for believers in verse 35, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Jesus shared this story of withholding, because withholding not only affects our hearts and earthly relationships, but it can also impact our relationship with God. He died to forgive us and welcome us back into a loving relationship and he doesn’t want to withhold any good thing from his children. 

If there is anyone you need to forgive, I encourage you to wholeheartedly forgive, so that you may experience true freedom and be able to love all others.