The Betrayed Wife: 6 Days of Healingنموونە

Creating Your Team

You are experiencing the repercussion of your husband’s choices. You were not driving, and you are not to blame. As we discussed previously, there is a path toward healing for yourself. It’s time to create your story. Your story is not his story. You’re writing your story and you have the opportunity to sit down, pray, and talk to God about your decisions and path moving forward. 

It’s important to recognize that you can’t predict or even control your husband's choices in the present or the future. He may decide to go to an accountability group, get counseling, and even get intensive treatment. He may decide to participate in a polygraph test to disclose and verify the truth. Or, he may decide to stay active in infidelity and/or addiction. You can’t change him. You can't change his current mentality or actions no matter how hard you try to plead, beg, or share your feelings with him. 

As a therapist, I can’t “make” him change either. I can give him the tools to heal and recover, but only he can decide to choose a path of healing — just like you are the only one who can choose your own path of healing. You can decide to get out of the wrecked car, get into the ambulance, and trust safe people who have experienced or helped others through thousands of other car wrecks just like yours. When you do this, you create a spiritual, emotional, and physical team that can support you through your journey. 

What should this team look like? It looks like a support system for every major area of your life (not your marriage, but your personal life). 

For spiritual support, it’s imperative that you are active in a church community and that you are reading God’s Word and praying daily. If you’re in a Bible study, reach out to the group members for fellowship and support. You will have to carefully decide who in this community is safe for you to trust and who won’t blame you for your husband’s choices. Many women I have worked with find it helpful to have a couple of spiritual sisters who can pray with them. Finding safe support is biblical. Galatians 6:2 states, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” We were not made to walk through our struggles alone. A spiritual sister could be incredibly helpful for you during this time. 

Your emotional wellbeing is essential. When your soul is impacted, negatively or positively, your mind, will, and emotions are also affected. I can't stress the importance of this part of your journey enough. Therapy, support groups, and books (including workbooks and materials for you to work through) will be very influential in your journey. I recommend getting a Partners Recovery Therapist from the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy. This therapist can help you walk through the trauma you are experiencing in a healthy way and be a vital part of your support system as an advocate for your safety and wellbeing. I also recommend becoming educated on what your husband’s actions mean for you personally. Joining support groups with women who can relate to your situation and story can help you feel less lonely, isolated or judged. Their support as you work through this betrayal can be incredibly helpful. 

Self-care is an important part of your emotional well-being, but it also plays a part in your physical well-being as well. Did you know that our spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing are all interconnected? When one is neglected, the others are also negatively impacted. This is why it's critical to take care of your body. I encourage you to eat healthy — don’t splurge on junk food. Exercise regularly, even if it is just a walk around your neighborhood. Also, be sure to visit your doctor and check up on your physical health. Get your hormones, thyroid, and cortisol levels checked specifically because these can be severely impacted during this highly stressful time and cause symptoms of depression. 

Your healing journey is your story to create. How you walk through this storm with Jesus and a team can make a difference in your quality of life for a decade or more. It can even make a difference in the type of mother you can be. You’re worth healing. However, you will have to be intentional to heal intelligently