LESSON 8: EMPATHY

Ready

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15).

Set

Joe Ehrmann is a coach, author, and teacher. His book and program, InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives, has influenced hundreds of coaches. He says that in his seminars, he often has coaches describe one word most essential to coaching. Almost none use the term empathy, described by Ehrmann as:

The standard-bearer of my coaching values. Empathy literally means “feeling into another,” to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and desires It is an absolute necessity for a transformative player-coach relationship because it allows the coach to enter the internal world of a player. Empathy creates the foundation for a player to feel known, understood, and accepted for his or her authentic self... Empathy is the building block of successful relationships (121).

If empathy is so important—not only to a transformative player-coach relationship but to player performance—why is it not valued more by coaches? I think two reasons help explain this.

First, it bucks the stereotype we’ve all heard as coaches to treat every player the same, without exceptions.

For example, a player misses a week of practice. Do you suspend the player? Treating every player the same, you might. What if the player trusted you enough to tell you the reason she missed practices is that she was sexually assaulted and walking across campus to practice terrified her?

Without empathy - building trust and relationships so that you can treat players differently based on their particular situations—that player is treated like everyone else, suspended from the team for missing practices.

The Bible speaks to the importance of empathy:

• “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2).
• “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15). Second, empathy takes a ton of work.

We must get to know every single player and know them well. We must know them well enough that they share (or we ascertain) off-field triumphs and struggles. This means talking to them about things other than sports. This means looking for cues when a player is off, physically or mentally, and asking them what’s going on.

Exhibiting empathy can be awkward at times; it can also be crucial to transforming lives.

Go

1. Is empathy a coaching characteristic you value? What impedes coaching with empathy?
2. Read Hebrews 4:15–16. How should Jesus’s empathy for us impact our empathy for players?
3. List one or more practical things you can do with your team to foster empathy.