Just Show Up By Kara Tippettsنموونە

"The Sacrifice of Friendships"

Facebook has almost single-handedly turned the word friend into a verb. I get it, but I don’t really like it because friend is primarily a noun. In my life the word refers to a living, breathing person. Someone who has witnessed my body crumble under the weight of chemotherapy and cancer and stayed anyway. Someone who has hugged my children and provided meals for my family, who has listened to my heart and wept with me when we don’t have answers to this hard.

I have asked friends if my children are going to be okay when I’m gone, though I barely remember some of the conversations because medications steal my memory. I have told my friends I don’t know how to die well, though I long to do exactly that. And they have met me there. Not always with answers—and I’m not sure I’m even looking for answers.

But they’ve met me with friendship. I’ve chosen to make room in my life for them, just like they have for me. It’s always a two-way street. And when I say “make room,” I’m not using figurative language. I’m talking about literal room—in my house or at our dinner table or in my mind.

Nurturing friendships is hard enough when everyone is healthy. But when you show up and do the work of being a friend to someone who is suffering, it will cost you something. In other words, you’re going to have to sacrifice your comfort, your schedule, and maybe even aspects of your faith.

That last phrase may have caught you off guard. It is a little strange to think about sacrificing pieces of your faith. But consider it for a minute. If you’ve never really walked with someone through suffering, and if your view of God up to this point has resembled a math equation (prayer + God = healing), then I’m sorry to have to tell you, but you’re going to have to sacrifice pieces of that way of believing. If you can’t, then forget about nurturing a friendship.

And while giving up those pieces may hurt, it’s not senseless pain. If you can stay soft and open to God during that time, you can begin to realize a bigger faith than you’ve had up to that point. I’m talking about growing up, becoming a woman or a man, and putting away the childish while keeping the childlike.