Raising Sons to Fight Giantsنموونە

The father here disciplines the son in whom he delights. Refusal to discipline amounts to hatred and is simply a slow, cruel way for a man to disown his son, clearly marking him out as illegitimate. True discipline is the foundation of respect—respect that will last a lifetime.

Related to this, a wise father rejoices in the fruit of his discipline. This is why many “disciplinarians” are not disciplinarians in the biblical sense at all. They discipline because they are annoyed or irritated; they are almost impossible to please and they go through life like a crate of crankcase oil.

But a “wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” (Prov. 10:1; cf. 15:20). So strength in discipline by itself is not sufficient. A father must also be wise in how he uses his strength. Many strong, aggressive fathers are very foolish in how they use that strength with their boys. Strong men are frequently competitive men, and competitive men are often competitive with their sons. And this is why many “strong” fathers have weak sons—the son was never allowed to attempt anything.

Or, when he attempted something, it was never good enough, and the “disciplinary” response was always disproportionate and unjust. Discipline of this sort comes from fathers who are control freaks, having to do everything themselves, or having it turn out as though they had. A disciplining father delights in his son. A neglectful or abdicating father despises his son. An overbearing father despises his son as well, and it does him no good to cling to those verses which talk about discipline. Discipline without wisdom is destructive. This means that a wise father is one who is capable of praising his son and showing joy in his accomplishments.

Fathers must teach their sons—the point of discipline is not to retaliate against a boy. The justice involved in familial discipline is not retributive—there is no question of “getting back.” The point of discipline is to gain an audience, and there is no sense in gaining an audience if you then do not say anything. Fathers are to teach, and they are to teach receptive sons.