All My Friends Have Issues By Amanda Andersonنموونە

The Psalmist says, “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being” (Ps. 51:6 esv), which is another way of saying that God wants us to be honest and authentic down to our very core. For this reason, I try to understand as much about myself as God is willing to reveal to me. And then, I try to authentically share it with my girlfriends. Only then can they love the real me.

But this is a huge risk to take with real, regular women. It’s possible that this soul sharing could go horribly wrong. For one, they might not be as fascinated with my introspection as I am or, worse, they could reject the real me when I show them the full picture. But more often than not, the reaction I’ve received is an outpouring of grace. It’s easier to be gracious to me when my friends know I sincerely need it. And secondly, when they understand some of the things I have experienced and overcome, they are more willing to cut me some slack. I, in turn, do the same for them, as much as I can with God’s help.

For authenticity to work, brave conversations are required with a mutual sharing of ourselves, because, remember, safe and sane people give as well as take. If you’ve got a pretty good friend already, get a cup of coffee or put on your walking shoes, then set out, ready to share on some of these heady subjects:

• Your families of origin and childhood experiences

• Big moments when God “showed up” in your lives

• Past hurts that have shaped the way you relate to people in the present

• Current struggles you face in your workplaces and primary relationships (usually with your spouses, kids, siblings, or parents)

• Your character flaws and habitual sins

• Your deepest fears about yourselves and the future

• Your deepest desires and dreams for the future

Some of this is scary stuff to talk about, yet to be known on this level is one of the great rewards of life. It’s a path to love that is rich in “knowledge and depth of insight” as Paul says in Philippians 1:9. It’s also been of great benefit to my marriage. My husband also knows me on this level, but he’s not as excited to talk about it as my girlfriends are. Nor is he as able to relate to some of my struggles. Having peers to relate to and process with takes a lot of pressure off our other relationships: husbands, boyfriends, parents, children.