A Simple Guide to a Better Marriageনমুনা

Listening to Your Emotions

Negative and positive emotions are designed by God to serve a positive purpose, to give us direction and motivation. It is how we respond to our emotions that lead to good or bad. Negative emotions call for positive action. Positive emotions call for celebration.

The emotion of anger is a gift of God. We get angry because we are made in God’s image. I can feel anger when I perceive my spouse has: (1) sinned against me; or (2) irritated me by not doing what I wanted. In either case, anger motivates me to take constructive action.

If my spouse has sinned, I am to lovingly confront them. Maybe I have misunderstood their words or actions. An explanation could bring healing to the whole situation. Or perhaps they will admit what they did was unkind and ask forgiveness, which I must be willing to extend.

However, if my anger is growing out of irritation and not sinful behavior, it also leads me to constructive action. I might say, “I know what you did was not wrong, but I want to share this because I love you and want our relationship to be authentic.”

Fear is another common emotion, often accompanying anger. It arises when we feel we are in danger. It stimulates us to fight or run, depending upon which seems best. For example, a physically and verbally abusive spouse sparks fear in the heart of the abused. To physically fight back may escalate the hostility. The fear, however, must not be ignored. It is speaking loudly that constructive action needs to be taken. Fear is designed to motivate you to protect yourself, and communicate to the abuser that you will not continue to be a part of such behavior. Often this constructive act will motivate the abuser to get help to handle their own emotional problems.

Our fears lead us to God and we rest in His strength to protect us. Don’t put yourself down for feeling fear. Just run to the loving arms of God.

Healthy marriages encourage the sharing of emotions, and together we can help each other decide what is the best way to celebrate, or what is the best course of action to deal with a painful situation.

Response

Do you talk with God about your emotions, both positive and negative? Give it a try right now. Are you comfortable sharing your emotions with your spouse? If not, how does this chapter encourage you to step outside your comfort zone and begin to open up about your feelings? When you experience positive emotions, what would be a good way you and your spouse can celebrate? What might make it less threatening for you to share your negative emotions with your spouse?

Call to Action

Dr. Gary Chapman’s newest book, A Simple Guide to a Better Marriage shares stories and insights inspired by decades of counseling couples. With grace and humor, Gary shares time-tested wisdom and practical advice on:

• Love and Intimacy
• Communication
• Changes and Decisions
• Apologies and Forgiveness
• Anger and Conflict Management
• Attitudes, Differences, & Expectations
• Money, Responsibilities, & In-Laws

To continue getting marriage wisdom, check it out at Moody Publishers.