Build a Better Marriage by Building a Biblical Perspectiveনমুনা

What fills your mind? We have a choice of what our mind is set on, but often busyness, tasks and worries take center stage, crowding out the time we might take to consider what is on our minds and how we’re thinking.

Take a moment and picture the lenses on a pair of glasses. If they’re covered in spots and smudges, looking through them won’t reflect the things you look at accurately. When we talk about framing, we’re referring to the lens through which you see your spouse. Is your lens seeing clearly?

If your spouse seems to be irritable, you may assume they’re irritated with you and respond with defensiveness, which creates a cycle of disconnection and irritability.

What are you watching and listening to? Who are you talking to? If you are surrounded by buddies who complain about their wives, it’s easy to jump in with complaints about yours. If you are reading romance novels (even wholesome Christian ones) or watching Hallmark movies, it’s easy to compare your husband to the perfect (fictional!) men they depict.

When we don’t guard our thoughtlife and neglect time in Scripture to set our minds on what is “true, honorable, just, pure and holy,” (Phillppians 4:8) we are easily swayed by the influences all around us.

So how can you shift from the negative to positive? Romans 8:6 (ESV) tells us that “to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.” What have you set your mind upon? Are you pursuing thoughts that bring about the best God has for you?

Decide to look for the good in your spouse. Remember what you loved about them when you first fell in love. Notice the ways your spouse has grown; the ways God has gifted them. Noticing the good things will lead to noticing more of the good.

What’s your marriage mission? Look to scripture. Don’t look to enforce God’s mandate on your spouse, but to follow what He’s calling you to.

When we put God’s purposes for marriage ahead of our own, we can filter our small annoyances that really don’t matter so much, and prioritize things that do. Instead of correcting or convincing your spouse, work to build a marriage that lifts you both up and reflects God’s love.

Questions for you:

1. Make a list of the positive things about your spouse and marriage.
2. What did you love about them early in your relationship?
3. What are some of the influences around you that might be impacting your thoughts about your spouse negatively?
4. What boundaries can you put in place to better protect yourself from these unhelpful negative thoughts?