Hope Changes Everythingনমুনা

It’s funny how people’s stories find their way to me. It's not like I set out to ask people about their past or their struggles, but it’s almost as if they can’t help but tell me. I think a little has to do with me and a lot has to do with the fact that everyone is searching for a way to offload the pain they’ve carried for so long. I think I’ve represented transparency and vulnerability to people as I’ve publicly shared about my past and so people feel the permission to do the same.

Sharing is a crucial step in the way hope changes everything. The more we share about our pasts, the further from denial we get. And the more others are given the chance to express their story and the pain they’ve experienced, the closer they come to letting it go.

The thing about overcoming fears is that they tend to not stay overcome. Like pulling weeds from a garden or keeping air in a leaky tire, this is something that requires a little bit of maintenance. Or, to switch to a different metaphor: your fear snares are always going to be out there, so you have to stay on guard and be vigilant to avoid stepping into them in the future.

But here is the good news. Since we know that we tend to run, we can stop pretending we don’t! We can vulnerably and honestly look in the mirror and be okay with who we are, and then we can help each other through the difficult times when they arise.

Want to keep your fears at bay? Want to guard your heart? Then you need to have other people walking with you through life. I call them Hope Partners. These people can help you identify your fear snares and then help you find some “escape routes” for them—and maybe even help you take those escape routes when you need them.

So what are some ways we can embrace our role in an accountability relationship? I’m glad you asked! Let’s look at just three:

1) Own It

How did you get that Hope Partner in the first place? You asked them, right? That relationship only came about because you asked someone into your life. You gave them permission to question you, critique you, and check on you.

Since you gave them that permission, you need to own it! Own your accountability and don’t get defensive or chop them down at their knees when they ask questions that might feel a little personal or that you feel uncomfortable answering.

2) Confront It

Life is always going to put things in your path that can distract or derail you, and when it does, you have a choice to either confront it or cower from it. There are no other options.

A popular verse in Proverbs talks about mentoring and friendship, saying: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)Left out is the fact that, when iron strikes iron, sparks often fly!

The fire of confrontation leads to minor, healthy explosions. When you watch a fire closely, you see dozens of tiny explosions taking place. Pockets of air, gas, and flammable materials are all responding to the flame and setting off chemical reactions. The same things happen within a well-constructed confrontation. Embrace confrontation for the health it generates.

3) Face It

I’ve seen it time and again: someone gets turned onto the idea of accountability and jumps in wholeheartedly, with both feet, getting set up with an accountability partner or two and attacking the whole concept like a police dog on a suspect. And then the newness wears off and what happens? Suddenly they start to slip a little in their behavior and start to miss meetings as a result.

This person is in your life to support and encourage you, and hopefully you’re there to do the same thing. They aren’t your judge—they’re your advocate! So if you do fall off your proverbial wagon, just face the fear head-on, call up your accountability partner, and tell them what happened. Tell them you blew it, you messed up, you did whatever, but you’re ready to get back on track. They’ll understand, and they’ll be proud of you for stepping up like that. This type of direct responses cuts through any potential tension and lets both of you find middle ground once more to get back on track toward success.

Let’s make a change. Let’s embrace the pain we’ve endured. Let’s live in the mess of life and do our best to make it a message. You may not become a sought-after public speaker or evangelize your cause throughout the world, but you can openly embrace what’s happened to you and tell it to a friend. Let them in just a bit and see what happens. See if it doesn't change everything about your relationship. See if you don’t become closer almost instantly. See if you don’t walk away from those conversations with your hearts more aligned. I bet you will.