Surviving Year One: After the Death of Your Spouseনমুনা

He Can Be Trusted

For 14 years I’d prayed for God to spare my husband’s life. Now he was dead, and my illusion of control was gone. The world felt like a terrifying place. Nothing’s off limits now, I thought to myself as anxiety gripped my heart. Who will die next? I wondered.

Terrified of more loss, I held as tight as I could to the people I loved. It was months before I let someone drive my young son in a car and more than a year before I spent a couple of nights away from him. Now, death seemed to be lurking everywhere, and the fear was paralyzing.

You may be wondering how to move forward when life feels so scary. What do we do when we realize that trusting God doesn’t prevent terrible things from happening to us and those we love?

We start by admitting how hard it is to trust God and asking Him to help us live without guarantees of safety. Then, we start taking little steps back into the parts of life that scare us. My therapist calls this expanding our “circle of confidence.” My circle shrank when my husband died, but I knew I needed to show my son how to live in an uncertain and frightening world. So I let someone take him on a walk to the park, even though I felt anxious. I dropped him off at a friend's house to play and eventually worked up to letting a trusted friend take him on an outing. With each step, my circle of confidence grew.

God often leads His people into scary places, but He never sends them alone. God tells His people, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”(Isaiah 41:10-13).

When the Israelites faced terrifying enemies, Joshua reminded them, “Be strong and courageous…for the LORD your God goes with you..”

When Jesus knew the disciples would be terrified after He died, He reminded them, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

God’s Word makes it clear that following Him doesn’t ensure bad things won’t happen to us. Yet, we can move forward by reminding ourselves that even if our worst nightmares do come true, God will be with us, helping and upholding us. By leaning on the promise of His presence and taking steps outside of our circle of confidence, we can reclaim the ground fear has stolen. By His grace, we can live fully again.