Hope Is Aliveনমুনা

"The Journey Begins"

For so many years I lived with no hope, no expectation my life would ever get better. My hope was dead, and along with it, any desire for a better life. For a decade, I snorted or smoked everything I could get my hands on. An endless search for the rush of the first time propelled me to destroy and damage everything in my path. With fear as my empty motivator, I pointed the finger outward, blaming others for what my life had become. I was left feeling alone, stranded, different, and ultimately confused. 

As my obsession with getting high transitioned to addiction, I tried to stop. I would tell myself all kinds of things to try and trick myself into submission. Thoughts like these constantly tormented me:

Today I will do less.

Just try and not use until lunch.

You have to quit spending so much money.

You’re gonna get caught.

Okay, one more week and then… you have to quit.

The cycle that started when I was seventeen would ultimately end at 28. But along the way work pressure, divorce, poor choices, and unresolved pain took their toll. I was forced to take a leave from a high-paying job at a multimillion dollar company. I was humiliated in front of family member’s countless times and mortified as I stood in a courtroom, desperately pleading to see my children. I had absolutely no control, no hope, and no future outside of a daily purposeful pursuit to “get high”.

I look back at that time now and find it tough to even imagine how pathetic I was. As bad as my addiction was and as tragic as I looked to everyone around me, I couldn’t see it. That’s what the enemy tries to do. He blinds us from seeing the destruction and damage we inflict on ourselves and the world around us. I couldn’t separate myself from the addiction long enough to see what it was doing to my life, to my entire existence. I couldn’t see the damage it was doing to my relationships, my job, my future. It was devastating and I was hopeless. 

A wise man once said that as long as matters are really hopeful, hope is mere flattery or platitude; it is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be strength. My hope became strength for me once I had lost everything I valued.  It was not until my life had completely unraveled and all seemed lost that hope really became alive. 

My Hope

I hope as you read this devotional you may see a glimpse of yourself in my story. I pray that it helps you realize you are not alone. I pray it pushes you to find enough courage to raise your hand and ask for help. I pray you see enough hope in what God has done in my life since my intervention to believe that it’s possible for you. 

I believe God has a huge plan for your life. He is calling you to come away with Him, to join Him on a journey full of hope and love. Your life is not over! His plan for you is still within your reach. 

Because hope is alive!