Flourish: Creating Space to Thriveনমুনা

Knowing the Gardener

“Did you spend time with Jesus today?”

My pre-teen self dreaded that question, but without fail, the youth leader asked me every time I saw her. I always gave an excuse—I didn’t get up early enough that morning. I was too tired the night before. Day after day, the cycle repeated itself until weeks had passed without me opening my Bible outside of church.

After months of this embarrassing dialog, I made a life-changing decision—I would prioritize daily time with God. The youth leader was right. This was an important spiritual discipline, just as daily water is essential to a garden’s growth.

So I read and I studied. I prayed and I memorized Scripture. For more than two decades, I kept up those spiritual disciplines, trying never to miss a day.

And I thought I knew God, the Gardener, pretty well.

Imagine my surprise, then, when life fell apart. When I physically couldn’t get up early for long times of Bible study and prayer. When panic attacks left me gasping for breath on the side of the road in the driver’s seat of my car. When depression crushed me, and I wished I could curl up in a dark room and sleep away the pain.

Imagine my surprise when God accepted me. I was broken, weary, surrounded by the fragments of my faith.

But I was His.

His treasure. His chosen one. His daughter, bought with His Son’s blood. He helped me feel His delight. He quieted my restless heart with His love. He reminded me that He was singing over me with joy.

I’d studied the Bible for years, but somehow, I’d missed this kind of grace.

I thought my Gardener only smiled at me when I was bearing lots of good fruit. I’d believed His favor was only directed toward me when I made all the right choices and kept up with my spiritual to-do list.

Who is this God who dazzles my soul? How can One so perfect draw me close when I’m worlds away from the perfection I thought He demands?

God’s response in that season revealed some serious misconceptions I had about His character. Thirty years into knowing Him as my Savior, He took me back to the basics and gave me a chance to start over.

I put aside my spiritual to-do list and set my heart on one thing—knowing God as authentically as I could.

Instead of reading the Bible because God required it of me, I read to discover His heart. I picked a “Read through the Bible” plan which gave me freedom to read at my own pace and began slowly working my way through Scripture with a single goal—to understand what He reveals about Himself. I asked His Spirit to teach me and wrote down everything I learned, from Genesis to Malachi, from Matthew to Revelation.

It took me seven years and five journals to get through the whole Bible, but oh, how my perspective changed. I saw a God who is holy and just—yes, absolutely. But One who is equally full of love and grace. One whose first response to humankind is not anger, but patience. One who loves so relentlessly that He Himself would satisfy the demands of justice so we could be forgiven and reconciled to Him.

In all my years of studying the Bible, nothing has so satisfied my soul as reading with the goal of knowing God.

Oh, He lovingly points out sin along the way, just as a wise gardener pulls weeds and prunes fruitless vines. He directs me toward changes His Spirit wants to make in my life. He gives insight on specific issues and speaks to topics on my heart. But these are the overflow of our relationship rather than the goal of my “quiet time.”

Knowing God—this has become the focal point of my life.

And the more intimately I know Him, the more I trust Him. The more I trust the Gardener, the more my soul flourishes under His tender care.

Personal Reflection:

Does time with God feel like duty or a delight? Do you sense the joy of Him who calls you Beloved? What are you looking for when you read the Bible?

Prayer of Response:

Lord, thank You for calling me Your own, for singing over me with joy. Quiet my restless heart. Shift my focus from what I should do for You to simply knowing and loving You.