SUICIDEনমুনা

DEEP IN DESPAIR

It was early January 1977 and I was 32 years old, married with 3 children, ages thirteen, ten, and five. I was deeply in love with my husband, but alcohol was driving a huge wedge in our marriage.

Dan came from a strong background with parents of deep faith and at a young age he gave his heart to the Lord. The peer pressures of being a teen won out and he began to drink. He joined the Army and was sent to Germany. The alcohol in German Beer can range from 4.5 to 5.5 and some as high as 16 percent, compared to beer in the states ranging from 3.5 to 3.8 percent. He was hooked.

He was also very good at hiding his problem. Years into our marriage he went straight to the local bar after work until closing.

Many dinners sat cold on our table, only to be thrown out the next day. The children and I were noticing the change in his temperament and walked on pins and needles. Unfortunately, there were more heated arguments, than love in those years.

John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Wow is that a true statement that I wish I had known during those years.

I went to Sunday School and church as a kid and even went to a couple of camp meeting revivals. I always knew that God was real, even rededicating my heart to the Lord in 1966, but my commitment didn’t last long.

I wish back then I would have had someone share with me what I know now. I felt alone in the hidden secrets of our home. I wore this happy mask outside its doors because I was ashamed of what was going on inside.

Indeed, a person can only take so much verbal abuse. Thankfully there was never physical abuse, but it is our mind that dictates our heart.

PRAYER: Lord, Today as I recall the dark times in life and the great despair, it’s hard to believe the enemy convinced my mind that things would never get better. Thank You, Lord, for revealing the truth and saving both my physical and spiritual life. In Jesus’ Name! Amen