3 Things Wives Need in Marriageনমুনা

Pursue

Many men are quick to pursue their wives physically but not emotionally or spiritually. I hear from wives often that the emotional disconnect they feel in marriage leads to sexual distance in their relationship. What that tells me is wives want to be pursued for who they are as a whole self. It’s not enough to just be desired sexually. It’s not enough to just be pursued physically. Wives want to feel loved, valued and appreciated. How did you do that when you were dating? How do you do that now? How do those two compare?

The world tells us that love is a feeling and that we love when the other person shows us love. When we look at the model of love that Christ lived, we see that Christ loved us first, while we were sinners and our hearts were far from him (Romans 5:10).

It’s so true that women and men are wired differently, experience life differently, and respond to situations differently. Those differences don’t have to divide us. They are opportunities for us to grow in intimacy with one another. When you show your wife she has value to you outside of the bedroom, you are showing her that your self-satisfaction is not the main goal.

God tells us in Revelation 3:20 that whoever opens the door when he knocks will get to enjoy intimate time with Him. I firmly believe that our relationships are the same way. When you pursue your wife in a way that she can receive, the benefits are a greater intimacy shared between you two.

Marriages thrive when the couples actually like each other- when they are actually friends. Can this be said of your marriage?

Husbands, Are you showing her that you like her and enjoy her company, that you value her opinion and input? Do you know what makes your wife feel seen, understood, valued, and pursued? (1 Peter 3:7). If not, ask her. Letting her know your desire to pursue her is a great first step.

Prayer:

Lord, help me to value my marriage and my wife, and help me to pursue her in a way that makes her feel safe, respected, cherished, and loved. Help me to honor her and love her in an understanding way. Help us to grow in our intimacy spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I want her to know that she brings joy to my life, so help me love her and pursue her the way you loved and pursued your people- laying aside my own self to better serve her.

Wives... men are just different. Their idea of pursuit may be pretty far off from what actually makes you feel pursued. Speak up. Share with him how you feel, and allow God to do the rest of the work. Show him respect, not as a response to his actions, but out of obedience to God (1 Peter 3:1-2). Understand that there might be a learning curve or some compromise, and also be willing to be pursued. In my busiest seasons, I can see my husband feels so defeated in his attempts to pursue me. I am so cut off from him because I feel the weight of carrying so many things. If we want to be pursued, we have to be available!

Prayer:

Lord, I don’t always feel pursued by my husband and it causes some difficulty connecting with him. Would you help me express my needs in a way that he can understand- with grace and love? Then, would you help me to accept his attempts to pursue me without judgment or hostility? Help me be present and engaged.

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