Made to Belong - 5 Practices to Cultivate Community in a Culture of Lonelinessনমুনা

What I’ve come to learn is that human beings are really, really good at hiding. We’ve been practicing since the beginning. On the very first pages of the Bible, Adam and Eve were both naked, and they felt no shame (Genesis 2:25). But as soon as sin entered the story, they covered themselves and hid from God. Yet, He didn’t respond with, “What the heck did you two do? I only left for a second!” Instead, He asked where they were, a gentle, invitational question for conversation and connection, meant more for them than Himself.

But it didn’t matter. Shame had kicked in. Adam responded, “I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10). Now, before we blame Adam and Eve for ruining things, remember, we all do this. We put up walls for self-protection. We put the blame on others, and we refuse to take responsibility. Shame–fear of being disconnected and alone–is the very thing that prevents us from pursuing deep relationships. We are desperate for connection, yet feel profound shame for needing it. So we hide from God and each other hoping to avoid more shame and rejection. And in the process, we get really good at hiding many parts of ourselves.

Perhaps you can relate. When guests come over to your house, do you try to make it as clean as possible? In my house, we work our way from the living room to the kitchen, then our bathroom, and lastly our girls’ room. As we clean what we don’t want others to see, we sometimes hide the big stuff in our bedroom. Our friends won’t be going in there, so we simply close that door. It’s convenient. No one needs to know.

And we do this with our lives—hiding our messes—and we get used to this lifestyle. We believe the lie that no one will love us for who we are. But as we build CHEMISTRY (Practice #2) with those whom we have prioritized, we will share common values and interests, we will begin to notice whom we might have meaningful connections with. Jesus certainly had chemistry with his inner three disciples than the twelve. He relied on His three in His greatest times of need.

Instead of recklessly opening ourselves up to anyone, we practice VULNERABILITY (Practice #3) with those who reciprocate priority and chemistry. Vulnerability is the practice of fighting against shame and fear and coming out of hiding to show who we really are—to be truly seen and fully known.

What might be one area that you can open up to today, in order to truly connect and allow others to see and hold a real version of you?

Prayer

Father, please forgive me for trying to hide from others, and please give me the strength and courage to be authentic and true to those who are closest to me. Amen.