How to Cope With Divorceনমুনা

Acknowledging the Hurt

In 2014, I learned of another adulterous affair, but this time I was pregnant. I was driving on the road when I pulled over with this agonizing cry, Lord, please help me. I knew that I was not prepared to leave my marriage mentally or emotionally, but I also knew that the pain of what was occurring was too excruciating to stay another ten years. As I dried my eyes, I decided I would trust God. I wouldn't make any hasty decisions, but I knew I could no longer continue in this state.

That pregnancy was challenging because I felt so alone, but nothing could have prepared me for the death of my sweet baby girl in February 2015. It was as if the walls were caving in on me. I was attending church, but I was perplexed as to why God had allowed such trouble. Inevitably, two years later, I filed and proceeded with the divorce. I still loved my husband very much, but I was filled with anger, resentment, and confusion about what I did to deserve this.

One word comes to mind when I reflect on that season: darkness. Throughout our relationship, I had learned of his adulterous affairs with various women, but it felt different this time. This cloud of terror seemed to hover over my life and our home. The sadness from our grieving hearts and the reality of the soon-to-be significant changes could be felt between the walls. Some days I would fall to my knees and weep, no words, just gut-wrenching wailing in secret. I felt like a shell of a woman, provoked to despair.

In 1 Samuel, we are introduced to a woman named Hannah, Elkanah's wife. Though Elkanah loved her, she was barren because the Lord had shut her womb. Penninah, Elkanah's other wife, provoked Hannah yearly because of her barren state. Though Hannah was perplexed by the emptiness she felt, she didn't deal with her circumstances in an ungodly fashion. In the text, it appears she coped by acknowledging her heartache with tears. She understood that if she could plead her case before God, He would step in. Sure, she could have responded to the provoking and or even told her husband all that Peneninah was doing, but she didn't; she fought strategically.

Over the next few days, we will review how Hannah chose to cope with her circumstances, and we will practically apply the principles to how we must manage and cope during a difficult divorce.

God won't always remove the complex parts of our journey, but He will give us the grace to endure. Today I want to encourage you with this; you may not be provoked because of barrenness. Still, the reality of your divorce, betrayal, physical and emotional abuse, or abandonment of you and your children could irritate you to despair.

The first step in healthy coping is acknowledging your reality. Divorce sucks and is one of the most painful realities one must face. Whether you are in love or not, it's still tearing apart two lives. Your experience is unique, but you still must process it by acknowledging the disappointments you have tucked away inside you. Sometimes the emotional turmoil lays dormant. Though it may be unnoticeable to us, others may experience the effects because of anger, isolation, and other symptoms connected to what you choose not to deal with.

If this is you, don't worry, God knows, and I believe this plan will help you identify and work through the hidden things.

Don't lose hope; God's strength is made perfect in your weakness. Surrender your hurt, fears, anxious thoughts, questions, and prayers for clarity unto God. In time, He will renew your strength.

Be Encouraged.