Male Friendship 101: David, Jon, & Iron Mikeনমুনা

1 Samuel 18:4 "Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul."

Jonathan and David were inseparable. Bound by an oath of sacrificial love—they were for one another, come what may. Do you have a friend like that? Are you a friend like that?

In today's world of Facebook pals, Instagram followers, and workspace partners, it isn't easy finding and experiencing authentic, intimate friendships. Not to mention, the pressure of being a true friend is almost unbearable. Because of such, men typically have two defaults: be a friend to all or be a friend to none. Both defaults are detrimental: if you're the former, you've got tons of pals but few, if any, meaningful friendships. If you're the latter, well, you've got nobody.

I've recently started an annual practice; I do a friendship inventory yearly. The inventory serves two purposes: it keeps me from being the superficial fun guy who is all show and has no depth. And it keeps me from being Ron Swanson—alone, irritated, and riled (though Ron is incredibly talented and funny, just saying).

To help me, I categorize my relationships into three concentric circles: those I'm authentic with, vulnerable with, and intimate with.

I'm authentic with everyone I meet.

I'm vulnerable with some.

I'm intimate with a few.

King Jesus practiced something very similar: Jesus was real with all, vulnerable with 12, and intimate with 3.

If it were good for Jesus, it must be good for you and me.

Lesson: You can't be a friend to everyone. And it's not healthy to have no friends. Do your inventory. Be real with everyone. Be vulnerable with those you can trust. Put in the work to be intimate with a few. As Iron Mike once said, "a man who was friendly with everyone was an enemy to himself."