Good Boundaries and Goodbyesনমুনা

When I travel to speaking engagements, the moment I dread the most is saying goodbye to the gal who has hosted me. I feel like I’ve made a new friend, and then suddenly, I have to leave. At the airport, I give my host a hug and say, “Let’s not say goodbye . . . let’s just say to be continued.”

It feels so much better to me.

However, other goodbyes I’ve faced have been much more painful. And permanent.

Maybe you’ve had to say goodbye to a major relationship in your life. Maybe you’ve had a friendship that just grew distant over time, and you never quite got closure. Or, maybe you are wrestling through a relationship right now that you aren’t sure is sustainable. Whatever the case, at some point in all our lives, we’ll face hard and heartbreaking goodbyes.

Thankfully, the Bible doesn’t leave us to figure this out by ourselves and gives us several examples of goodbyes. Today, let’s look at Acts 15:36-41 where Paul and Barnabas part ways.

The situation between Paul and Barnabas gets tricky because it involves a difference of opinion over a cousin of Barnabas. Barnabas wants to take his cousin, John Mark, with him on a missionary journey with Paul. However, Paul had a bad experience where John Mark abandoned them on a previous journey, so Paul doesn’t want to go through that again. In a way, Paul is setting a boundary, and it seems like he has a good reason for it. But at the same time, Barnabas has a conviction to keep his cousin with him and give him a second chance, which is understandable as well.

This sharp disagreement (Acts 15:39) led to a goodbye. However, this didn’t mean they were bad people. Quite the opposite. There is no label of right or wrong on either of these two men. Both are commended, they both have reasons for the parting of ways that make sense, and they both act out of personal conviction and the boundaries they needed to establish. This is such an important example to look at because both men loved God and loved people. They both had the desire to do the right thing. But still, they had to part ways.

Now, the end result is a major lesson for all of us: There’s no evidence that either of them bashed or slandered the other for the choice they made. There’s also no indication that either of them discredited the other in ministry. Their goodbye allowed the gospel to go farther than if they had stayed together.

Years later, when Paul writes to Timothy, he asks for John Mark to be brought to him because he is useful to him in ministry (2 Timothy 4:11). So, though they had a rough season, they still had respect for each other and eventually reconciled.

This is the beauty of good boundaries and goodbyes . . . when done appropriately, it gives relationships the space necessary to possibly heal and get better over time. Reconciliation isn’t always possible. But in some cases, boundaries and goodbyes help prevent the total destruction of a relationship.

With God’s help, no matter the outcome, we can find a way forward. Jesus is working in me, in you, and healing our hearts through all of this.

RESPOND: How does it help you to know that saying goodbye can be biblical?