Wisdom for Datingনমুনা

How Do We Deal With Different?

Anyone you date is going to be different from you. They’ll likely have some interests you don’t share and some opinions you might not see eye to eye on. And that’s good news! Why? Because differences can help us discover so much about ourselves and the kind of person we want to spend our life with. But how different is too different?

Dealbreakers

What are your dealbreakers? You know, the things that would instantly shut down your dating relationship? Maybe it’s a differing worldview or some other strongly held belief you can’t get on board with. Or maybe they have a bunch of pet tarantulas, and you’re not willing to be a spider-stepparent.

Dealbreakers are healthy, and we should all have a few. They’re healthy boundaries to help us avoid potential disasters. But they can hold us back. Why? Because it’s possible to have a few too many dealbreakers.

How Selective Should We Be?

We want to have high standards, but how do we know when our standards are too high? The answer is different for everyone. But there are risks at both extremes:

• If our standards are too low, we might risk missing red flags, resulting in an unhealthy relationship.
• If we set the bar too high, we might sabotage what could otherwise have been a healthy and fruitful relationship.

So what’s the answer? Well, Scripture doesn’t give us an exhaustive list of how to find just the right person. Instead, it offers us wisdom to help us see what matters most.

Can I Date Someone Who Doesn’t Follow Jesus?

God has called us to live differently from the people around us by embracing forgiveness, grace, generosity, and sacrifice. It’s a beautiful and life-giving journey–and it’s even better when you get to share it with someone else who’s pursuing the same high calling. You get to spur each other on in faith, helping each other get closer to God rather than drifting away. So doesn’t it make sense to choose someone to date who shares your desire to be more like Jesus?

What Are Some Other Dealbreakers?

Your values, goals, and personality all play a role in choosing who to date. That means everyone’s list of dealbreakers will look different. So consider what kind of person you want to date, and what factors might get in the way of a healthy long-term relationship. But avoid making the list too long. After all, differences aren’t always bad. In fact, they can be healthy.

God created you with a unique calling, personality, and passion. So what qualities and values in a future partner might complement and amplify those gifts from God?

Challenge: Consider some of your dealbreakers. They should reflect your deeply held values. But remember, keep the list short. This can help you focus on the most important things.