Overcoming Shameনমুনা

Shame and Others

Many of us don’t yet see ourselves as God sees us because we’re stuck in seeing ourselves as others see us. In our early years, we learn from others and often look to them to define our value and tell us who we are. This is a natural process, but it is often distorted by sin.

Have you been bullied or rejected by others? Perhaps you felt the rejection of a sibling who was constantly annoyed with you, or a parent who was physically or emotionally absent. Maybe you were not allowed to express your opinions, or they were belittled. Or you experienced conditional acceptance, receiving praise and approval only when you did what others wanted.

All of these scenarios, malicious or not, can communicate that we lack value, leading us to develop negative core beliefs about our worth. As adults, allowing others to define our sense of worth will always end in futility. Looking to others for approval or disapproval can make us feel more ashamed. And shame has been at the root of humankind’s struggle ever since sin entered the garden of Eden. The good news is Jesus can break the chains of shame and the shackles of resentment we may carry.

Jesus helped me make a proactive daily choice to grow in seeing myself as He sees me. I quit listening to the trash-talking voice of shame in my head. I also stopped listening to the voices of those who perpetuated a “worthless sinner” mentality in my life—including certain Bible teachers, authors, bloggers, and friends. These people often focused more on who we used to be as sinners, rather than who we are now as saints. They spoke of a low view of humanity, rather than the truth that we are made in God’s image with infinite value.

I chose to meditate on what God says about me through Scripture. I also began to surround myself with people who affirmed my true value and who loved and accepted me for who I was. Their encouragement helped me to grow.

In learning to see myself with the love God has for me, I was freed up to share His love with those around me. I began to have more compassion and empathy for others. I began to experience the life I was meant to live—one of deep friendship with God and others, being fully known and fully loved.

God, help me to be discerning. Help me to understand how I am affected by those around me and how I affect them. Help me to live a life of love.