Boundaries in Marriageনমুনা

Boundaries should be healthy

The “B” word is taboo in our culture right now. There is a negative connotation that whoever wants to establish boundaries must be a closet (or not so closet) control freak. I have even heard people say that boundaries are not Christlike. But neither of these things are true.

Boundaries are the best thing I ever did for my marriage. Boundaries gave us freedom, peace of mind, and healthy expectations. Healthy boundaries can lead to healing and restoration and can allow for unlimited growth. They are an important part of how we, “let no one split apart what God has joined together” in our marriages. The key word is healthy. Let’s dig in.

First, let’s establish what a healthy boundary looks like.

Healthy boundaries come from a core motivation of protecting something valuable. That’s not the same as containing something of value. For instance, I’ve never met anyone who planted a garden and then fenced it in so that their tomatoes didn’t get out. Quite the opposite, the garden is cultivated with soil, sunshine and love and the fence isn’t meant to contain the garden but to prevent the pests that would harm it.

Healthy boundaries don’t look like locking our spouse away from the world for fear of losing our grip, but rather implementing a safe zone to be sure your marriage continues to grow and thrive.

If your core motivation is control or jealousy then it’s likely your boundaries will not only reflect that but will create an atmosphere of hostility and bitterness. Check your heart before having a conversation about boundaries. Are these important to you because of any fear or pride? Or are they coming from a place of love, as we read in 1 Corinthians 16:14, and a heart for protecting what God entrusted to you?

Prayer:

Dear Lord, help us to evaluate our marriages and see if and where boundaries should be put in place. As we look to set healthy boundaries, show us what it looks like to desire to protect rather than contain. Rid us and our marriages of insecurity and pride so that our marriages can be everything you created them to be.