From Depression to Finding God’s Joyনমুনা

Longing for Beauty

When I was on American Idol, judge Simon Cowell made fun of my weight. His comment hurt me deeply because my weight has been a source of shame throughout my life. Shortly after American Idol, I declared, through my song “True Beauty,” that my outward appearance, including my size, doesn’t dictate my value. God cares more about what’s on the inside because He intricately designed who I am. That’s easy to say (and sing) — it’s harder to believe.

When it comes to my feelings on beauty, let’s say ... it’s complicated. When I was 16, I was raped. As the awful incident unfolded, my aggressor kept telling me how beautiful I was. From that day on, I subconsciously associated outward beauty with danger. At school and on national television, comments about my weight convinced me I wasn’t beautiful.

I’ve struggled with feeling like there’s something wrong with outward beauty or wanting to look beautiful. I used to equate beauty with vanity. But I’ve come to realize that God has designed beautiful things! Sunsets. Oceans. Flowers. Faces. So many things in this world are truly amazing to look at. God created us to enjoy beautiful things and people, and beauty has a purpose.

God is the Great designer of beauty — both inward and outward. In 1 Samuel 16:7, God tells Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I used to read those words and think they meant that physical beauty didn’t matter. But that same chapter points out several times that David was indeed a hottie (see 1 Samuel 16:12, 18).

When King Saul was being troubled by a tormenting spirit, being easy on the eyes helped David land a coveted position playing music for him. But David was more than outwardly appealing. The fact that God called him a “man after my own heart” suggests that David had a beauty of mind, spirit, and character that God delighted in. As I’ve grown in my relationship with God, I’ve realized that beauty is good because God creates it. Still, that unfading, true beauty that 1 Peter 3:3-4 talks about shines from the inside out and is most precious to God.

Getting Real

- Is your sense of value tied to beauty?

- How would adopting God’s perspective of beauty help you live out your purpose?