Beauty for Ashes: God's Grace for Cancer Survivorsনমুনা

The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death

It was February 1, 2021. I was in my living room with my family and received the phone call that changed my life. After begrudgingly yielding to my mother’s urges to restart my annual Survivor’s Care regimen and get a routine mammogram, which led to an unexpected biopsy…the breast surgeon delivered the shocking news that there was a 1.7cm finding of breast cancer in my right breast. “Utter disbelief” would be an understated way to describe how I felt after that gut-punch of information.

Sure, I had survived Hodgkins' Lymphoma two decades prior and knew that the part of my treatment that required radiation in my chest area put me at risk for this. BUT, it was 20 years ago, no one in my family has had breast cancer, and I followed all of my doctor’s orders. I didn’t eat fast food or other junk. I wasn’t doing drugs or drinking alcohol. I even nursed my daughter for almost three years to prevent this from occurring! Why is this happening to ME? Why do I deserve this?? I’m a faithful daughter in Christ, Lord! You know my life is submitted to spreading your glory….hadn’t I survived through enough in my life??

This is exactly what I was thinking for at least the first four days after receiving that call. It was DARK. My heart was completely broken and I was catapulted to such a low place both spiritually and mentally. Simply put, I was hurt. Me, the person who published a faith-based devotional centered in motivating others, the person completely devoted to healing and cycle-breaking and living whole, free lives. The plummet was real. It was through this dark season of feeling let down and disappointment in the response to my prayers and faith surrounding the recent biopsy that actually became the launching pad to a deeper level of relationship with Jesus. This was definitely the “valley of the shadow of death” described in Psalm 23:4. And…as also mentioned in that scripture, His rod and His staff truly did comfort me.

If you’re reading this and have recently received a diagnosis, or have been in the trenches for some time now, I want you to know that the Lord sees you. He acknowledged in His Word that weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning. Morning is on its way. Put your faith in that, no matter how deep it seems right now. Morning will come. In Jesus’ Name!