Day 7: Crisis and Recovery

Even though it is labeled numerically as stage 7, the Crisis & Recovery stage can occur at any time in a relationship when a couple faces major change or trauma. Some of these crisis events are avoidable, like infidelity, but others are completely outside of our control, like illness, job loss, or the death of a loved one. These are times that rock the very foundation of a relationship. There are so many types of relationship crises, each one with its own complexities, and I can’t begin to address each of them individually or do them justice in this short reading. However, I want to encourage you to stay committed in both the good and tough times.

At a wedding ceremony, tears fall as the bride and groom stand before one another and promise, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” Why do we get emotional when we hear this phrase that has been repeated for centuries by those making a marriage commitment? Because these vows point to an inevitable truth: along with the good times, hard times will come. No matter how joyous the wedding day, there will be days ahead that will test and try the very core of your commitment. And in times of immense crisis, we can go back to these words declared in confidence on the best, happiest day - that comes sickness, poverty, or the worst of the worst; I am committed to you my whole life long.

If you find yourself in the crisis and recovery stage, I advise three things to get to the other side.

First, stay committed to your marriage. Even if your spouse doesn’t deserve it, and even if they’ve made choices that have brought on the crisis. This is the way we have been loved by God, with an everlasting, unrelenting love. Dig in and determine that you’re going to be as consistent with your spouse as God has been with you. Sometimes recovery from a crisis takes longer than you think. Don’t get discouraged. You can outlast the difficulty.

Second, pray. Prayer is your biggest weapon in the fight to save your marriage in times of crisis. Yes, you need knowledge, wisdom, and relationship skills to have a strong marriage, but it takes spiritual weapons to win spiritual battles. Go to battle in prayer. Ask God for discernment in how to pray for your spouse.

Third, surround yourself with support. Strong marriages are grounded in a strong Christian community. You need the encouragement, accountability, and love found in a local church. Intentionally spend time with couples who are a few steps ahead of you who can mentor and pray for you. Be open to Christian marriage counseling or small groups aimed at relationship repair.

Rip up the list of reasons to leave during a crisis. Determine to stay committed, pray for your spouse, and get the support you need so that you can emerge with a strong, whole relationship.