5 Days with God amid Ordinary Motherhoodনমুনা

Day Four: Finding God When We Get it ALL Wrong

“Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

Yesterday was rough. I don’t want to make excuses, but I stayed up waaaaay too late, then woke up three times overnight with various kids, so this morning’s 6 a.m. alarm (and by alarm, I mean my youngest standing creepily next to my bed) seemed pretty early. Plus, it’s my, um, “sensitive” time of the month.

Let’s just say my patience was thin, and there was the teeniest bit of rage bubbling below the surface every single minute.

After the four millionth sibling squabble, as I struggled to carry in groceries from the car without letting the dog out of the house while my daughter hollered for me to come wipe her bottom in the bathroom, my teenager opened a fresh sassy mouth to me, and I completely LOST IT! A yelling, crazy-eyed, finger-pointing LOST IT!

Immediately the tone of the house changed. I hate that. I hate when my kids grow silent and give one another the side-eye and gently tiptoe around Mom because she’s acting like a lunatic. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get it.

Will I ever be the patient, loving mom I strive to be? Will I ever be able to control my temper? Will I ever learn to keep it all together?

Every morning I pray for the strength to be loving and kind and gentle and patient and exactly the mother my children need me to be, and every day without fail it seems like I fall short.

After my little tirade, I gave myself a timeout upstairs for ten minutes to rest and pray. Then I immediately walked back downstairs and apologized. I hugged my teen long and hard. Then I put the groceries away, fed my little people lunch, and turned up some music in the kitchen. I danced and sang.

My teenager’s freckled face spread into his wide, dimpled smile as he pretended to roll his eyes at my dancing. I was forgiven. Again. And I wanted to feel guilty for my ridiculous behavior, but really, I’m just thinking . . .

Maybe our kids need that. Maybe they need to be taught how to be human. Maybe they need to see how we mess up over and over and over. Maybe they need to see how we apologize, forgive one another, and move on to dance in the kitchen. Maybe they need to know deep in their bones that no matter what happens, there is LOVE. And maybe, just maybe, my ridiculously imperfect self is exactly the mother my children need. Crazy eyes and all!

• How have the latest confrontations with your children ended?
• Remember, yours is the only behavior you can control. How can you set the example?

Today, let your children see your mistakes. Especially let them see what you choose to do next—confess, ask for forgiveness, begin again. What a beautiful gift you are modeling for them!