Fighting For My Marriageনমুনা

The Cable-Company Marriage 

We tend to think that all marriage problems stem from a big breach of trust or a massive tragedy. Sometimes they do, but many marriage problems can be caused by something completely different. Very often, the lack of love isn’t because of a one-time sin but a subtle, ongoing pattern of behavior leading to what I call a “cable-company marriage.” We know that probably sounds pretty random, so allow us to elaborate. 

Have you ever noticed how cable companies treat their customers with amazing care and attentiveness when they’re first trying to seal the deal, but once they’ve got you, the introductory rates are replaced with much more expensive rates and the customer service takes a nose dive, which makes you want to trade in your old cable company for a new one? The cable TV industry seems focused on a model of treating people really well at first but then taking them for granted in the long run.

Sadly, a lot of marriages operate this way too. In the beginning, when the couple is trying to win each other’s hearts, they roll out the red carpet! They give the very best of themselves, but it doesn’t last long. Once the day-to-day reality of life together sets in, they stop doing all those things they did in the beginning. They take each other for granted, and it isn’t long before they both start longing for something new where they’ll be treated well again.

It doesn’t have to be this way! Marriage should grow stronger with time. A couple should continue pursuing, encouraging, and adoring each other through all the seasons of the relationship.

If you find yourself in a cable-company marriage right now, don’t lose hope! Don’t throw away your relationship just to start anew with someone else and repeat the same cycle. Make a commitment to transform your marriage. Stop taking each other for granted. Your best days together can still be ahead of you and not behind you.

Wherever you are in your relationship, I believe you can grow stronger with time. Any relationship left on autopilot will slowly drift toward atrophy, but any relationship given consistent investments of time and focus will flourish until the end. I was reminded of this principle yesterday and was encouraged to know that there are still marriages that actually grow stronger with each passing year. 

One of the most effective ways to break out of a rut in your marriage is to selflessly serve. One of the last lessons Jesus taught his disciples on earth was to serve each other. He gave them a practical example of service by washing their feet, one after the other, following their final meal together.

When a couple chooses to serve each other and also chooses to serve others together, the marriage instantly improves. I watched a video recently about a couple named Francis and Lisa Chan who put this concept in practice in a beautiful and unique way. Francis Chan is a pastor and bestselling author. I’ve been an admirer of his work for a long time, but I was still blown away by what he did to celebrate his twentieth wedding anniversary. 

The Chans wanted to do something special to mark two decades of marriage. They looked into resorts around the globe, but then they decided to do something completely unconventional. Instead of going someplace where they could be served, they wanted to go someplace where they could serve others.

They bought two plane tickets to Africa and went to visit some missionaries they had been financially supporting. Francis and Lisa rolled up their sleeves and served food to hungry people, constructed shelters for homeless people, and worked alongside their missionary friends to free women who were trapped in a cycle of poverty and prostitution. 

The couple had tears in their eyes as they shared this experience. It became one of the most extraordinary experiences of their lives. They came home from their life-changing anniversary trip and decided to write a book together, putting their hearts on paper in You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity.

Every penny made from the sale of their book is being donated to the ministries in Africa where they served together for their twentieth anniversary. 

When you and your spouse reach the end of your time on earth, what will matter most will be the moments you served each other and the moments you served alongside each other. When we remove selfishness from our marriages, love will be all that remains. That’s the kind of love that can change your marriage and change the world through your marriage.