Peace for the Caregiverনমুনা

REMEMBERING WHO YOU ARE…. HAVE I LOST MY REAL IDENTITY?

In August of 2021, another year passed by since he left; 4 years total.

Some days I still feel in a fog or numb from the loss. I have had plenty of time to look back on those last days. I must admit I have some regrets.  I. will be very genuine with you and pray no one judges me, as in the moment, I did what I only knew how to do.  

To my knowledge, there is not a manual on being a perfect caregiver. Even if there was, I did not have the time to read it.  From my experience, if I can help one person going through this, I hope they realize not to forget who they are.   Retaining your identity while being a caregiver is so important.

"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head." Psalm 139:1-5 

I was so busy trying to make sure he had everything he needed medically it was easy to put my role as his wife on the back burner.  Oh, I hugged and gave him some kisses, but my biggest regret is that it did not happen often enough.  Because I felt it would make him sad if we discussed death, my apprehensions prevented me from asking pointed questions. I should have asked him how he was feeling or if he was afraid? 

Because he never was a man to show fear of anything, I assumed that he had this terminal diagnosis in his back pocket.  I was so used to watching this man persevere and conquer that I never thought that he might be afraid of death. Maybe he was still trying to be strong on my account.  How does one have peace as a caregiver wondering if you are doing the best job possible?

"God is fair, and he will remember all the work you have done. He will remember that you showed your love to him by helping his people and that you continue to help them."  Hebrews 6:10 

One day I did sit on the hassock in front of his big easy chair facing him.  I cannot remember the conversation we were having, but out of the blue, he said, “I know you will move to California and get re-married!”  It took me by surprise.  He was thinking of his death and what I would do afterward.  I laughed out of nerves as I assured him that I had no intentions of moving to California.  I also told him he was my one love and I would not be getting married again.  

His time was ebbing away fast, and I needed to realize I was first a wife and 2nd a caregiver and underneath all of that, there was me.

CAN YOU RELATE?

I feel there are real-life lessons in this study, as we are a society that gets so wrapped up in what we are experiencing that we often forget our own identity. We get involved in organizations, church meetings, work assignments and spend countless hours making other people happy, often neglecting our first duty as a wife, mother, husband, or father. May we always realize our ‘true’ identity. Take time for you. Hospice offered a plan for workers to come and visit with Dan, so I could get away for a few hours to do something for myself. At first I felt guilty doing this but then common sense told me it was vital. Please join me tomorrow as we learn what we can do to have peace as a caregiver.