Practical Words for Encouraging Your Daughterনমুনা

Day Six

“I respect you, even when we disagree.”

Scripture: Romans 14:1-6; Ephesians 4:1

You raised them to value truth. You taught them to think logically. You encouraged them to carefully evaluate. So why are they disagreeing with you now? Every teenager goes through a natural process over several years (and, no, we’re not talking about puberty here). 

As your daughter grows, matures, and begins to experience life on a broader plain than the family circle, she will develop her own independent ideas. Even daughters who are raised on the Word of God will often come to differing conclusions as to what the imperatives of Scripture mean for them. 

Take the modesty wars, for instance. There’s no doubt about what the Word says: dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9). The challenge comes from the interpretation of this verse from culture to culture and era to era—even church to church. 

When it came to dressing in our home, we were pretty conservative, having swung the pendulum back from the Southern California Christian beach culture where modesty means little. When our girls started making decisions for themselves at thirteen, things began to change. They had different ideas than we did about the application of this biblical imperative in their lives. 

We chose to take an advisory role rather than make decisions for them. We taught them the Scriptures, voiced our opinions several times, and, yes, stepped in on a few rare occasions, but for the most part, we left them to their decisions. It’s ultimately between them and God. If you turn parenthood into a war and determine to die on every hill, the carnage will be spread over the years. 

To this day, we’re far more conservative than some of our daughters when it comes to dressing. We aren’t their consciences. We aren’t the Holy Spirit. They have their own walk with the Lord. We disagree but respect them, and we’ve communicated both to them in the past, but now we let it go. It’s not our business. 

Don’t predicate your relationship with your daughter on whether she sees everything your way. Communicate to her that you love and respect her, even when she disagrees. 

Lord, help me to know when to speak up to my daughter and when to let things go. Thank you that you have Your own intimate relationship with her and calling on her life. Help me to trust the good work You are already doing in her! Amen.