Navigating Grief to Hope and Healingনমুনা

Finding Your Own Path

It’s your loss. Your way.

Grief isn’t a process. Sure, you can search the internet and come up with stages, steps, and ways to cope, but the reality is that there isn’t a right way to deal with grief. It’s different for everyone, so whatever you’re feeling today, it’s okay. 

But if you are looking for advice from someone who’s been there, I would encourage you to hit your knees and pray for guidance. Prayer should be the first thing you reach for, not the last when you’re already crumpled in a heap. Although when you’re in that position, pray like there’s no tomorrow!

Everyone will be quick to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do in this time of loss, but your path is already set by God, and only He can keep you moving in the right direction. 

And speaking of directions, you’ve probably read and heard a hundred times that—when faced with the loss of a spouse—you should refrain from making any big decisions for at least a year. Am I right?

I’m sure friends and family thought I was off my rocker when less than six months after my husband’s death, I closed the door on the home we’d shared and moved to North Carolina. I didn’t sell the house, but I did leave it behind until I could deal with it. There were so many memories there. My husband and I had renovated the house ourselves and seeing every bad sheetrock seam, crooked window, and rookie mistake that we had made in the process broke my heart. Leaving it behind gave me the distance I needed not to wallow in those things, but to remember the good parts of sharing that experience.

Not only did I make the major purchase of a new home, but I also took early retirement from a career that had put me in a very comfortable lifestyle for twenty years in order to follow my heart and write full-time. True, writing novels is not exactly a secure career path, and at the time, friends voiced their concerns about that decision. But here’s the thing, I felt an incredible pull to do something. Life seemed incredibly fragile, and I wanted whatever time I had left to be meaningful, not just work. I prayed. I listened. And it was with great clarity and assurance that God led me to make those decisions. 

Yes, to someone else watching it play out, it looked a little crazy, but I trusted God and He has since taken me on the most amazing journey. I’ve experienced new things and blessings have flowed. Through it all, He has been my guiding light.

Now before you buy a new house or change careers, remember what I said at the start. Your journey may not look like mine, but—just like I did—you might realize that whatever you had planned might not be God’s plan for you. Walking through and recovering from grief will be different for everyone, and my story will not necessarily be yours—nor should it be. I only share it in the hopes that it will be a comfort to you on your own path. A living example from someone who has suffered one of the most difficult experiences imaginable and has come out the other side, still praising the One Who carried her through it.

Heavenly Father, thank you for knowing what each of us are going through and for caring about every one of our different stories. Thank you for guiding us on the unique paths we are facing and for never leaving us. For anyone who is seeking wisdom, comfort, or direction today, I pray you would speak to their hearts and make your plan known. Help us to learn to listen well and to trust you, even when following you looks or feels a little crazy. Amen.