Trusting God in the Unknown: Stories of Faith & Triumphনমুনা

Graced for Purpose  
By Kelley Duren-Jones

Growing up I had a serious stuttering problem. I learned to hide while feeling 'less than' and defeated. In school, I would often get physically ill when called to read out loud or while doing class activities. I was teased and ridiculed by classmates and family for as long as I can remember. 

Things were no different at church, but at least there, taking piano lessons covered me. Sunday after Sunday I begged Jesus to come back and rescue me from having to stand up to recite what I learned in Sunday School. During the service, I would repeat “come back right now Jesus.” Sounds silly, but at the time I was ready to end it all and just go to heaven. 

As a teenager, I mostly dated boys and older men; those who liked me for my body and had no desire to do much talking. In turn, I experienced advancements and abuse that I was not mature enough to handle. 

Through adulthood, I stayed in relationships that were toxic. No one ever knew what I was entertaining. I covered my low self-esteem and self-doubt with smiles, a soft voice, and the illusion of being content. I was a church girl, a private school girl, and seemed to have it all together. But all along I was overtaken with fear of being heard and truly seen. 

After totally failing in college for the first few years, I became a single mother at 23. That relationship was more toxic than them all. By the time it was over I was mentally damaged and so exhausted it affected me physically. The strength to leave the relationship was solely for the well-being of my daughter. Loving her forced me to learn how to love myself. 

After that experience, I decided to go back to college. Things were going well until I learned that the final class included an essay with a 45-minute speech. I was devastated! All the feelings of not being good enough, looking weak and pathetic, stomach cramps, and blurred vision immediately resurfaced. 

With four weeks left to graduate, I called the school to see if I could drop out and transfer my classes to another school. Because it was an accelerated program many of the classes would not transfer. 

The week of the speech I experienced horrible stomach cramps, night terrors, nausea, and exhaustion, but I made sure my 53-page presentation on "Single Parenting with Success" was perfect. The night before my presentation I stayed up all night praying, begging God to help me. After praying, the presentation went so well. The professor was smiling and even had to wave his hands to signal that my time was up. I suddenly had so much to say. 

That day I learned to trust God. For the first time, I heard my own voice and realized it had value and purpose. 

Fast forward to today, over 20 years later, I am an entrepreneur, creative, and author intentionally making myself available to help others to move from fear and pain into their purpose. 

God has already equipped us with everything we need to do His will and to exceed our goals. I am a living testament to that. 

Reflection Questions: 

1. How are my childhood experiences shaping my relationship with God?

2. In what ways has He transformed my life?