Familyনমুনা

Dealing with Your Spouse

There are two extreme views on marriage. The so-called progressive view is that you should stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be a doormat. The other side of the pendulum is that wives have to put up with everything and that the husband is to be won ‘without a word’. But we need to find a middle ground between both views. Both spouses need to speak the truth in love in order to ‘grow up’ in every way into Him Who is the head, into Christ.

The church that we were part of several years ago always stressed on the wife submitting to the husband in everything. There was almost cultic oppression on women and I often felt stifled and miserable for not being able to ‘submit’ to my husband, especially when I felt that he too needed to change. Years later when we left this church, I realized that the Bible records many instances of women having to make decisions to do the right thing on their own. Abigail, Nabal’s wife (I Sam 25:14-44) took charge of a serious situation and Jochebed, the mother of Moses disobeyed the ruler’s orders to save her baby. (Ex 2:1-10)

Submitting to one’s husband does not mean that the wife always agrees with him. Disagreeing with him when you know he is wrong on certain matters, is part of the journey of growing up in Christ. The spirit with which we agree or disagree is the most important thing. Whenever I have had to take a stand on my own, the questions I would always ask myself were: ‘Is this done in respect and humility?’ and ‘Will the way I handle this matter affirm my husband’s headship?’

Speaking the truth in love requires lots of practice. It helps to listen to those who have had good marriages and to learn from their fine examples. It also takes a lot of humility and suffering to wrestle through those negative emotions that well up, when you undergo tough days at home. Choose your words carefully and say only what will build your relationship.

Father, help me to speak the truth in love and grace. Amen.