A Burning in My Bonesনমুনা

A Burning for The Holy

As a boy, Eugene spent many days traipsing alone into the Montana wild. The one year his family lived in Seattle, he spent Saturdays alone, in the city’s rushing fury, paying 25¢ to ride the elevator to the top of Smith Tower (at the time, the tallest skyscraper on the West Coast). He’d walk the crowded streets, finally ending up at the waterfront where he’d spend hours watching the massive ships steam in and out of the harbor.

In college and graduate school, Eugene struggled because he always wanted whatever was real, nothing manufactured or sterile or safe. He wanted the straight truth. He wanted life and love that was authentic, even if it was difficult or painful. He was drawn to Jan because she was so genuine, so full of passion and joy. She wasn’t guarded. She was herself. She moved toward places of pain. She was true.

This is why Eugene was one of the first to strap on skis and fly down Big Mountain, the area’s inaugural ski resort. It’s why, decades later, he attempted a summit of Mt. Rainier with his sons Eric and Leif, where they were caught in a storm and bivouacked as white rage pounded for hours.

Eugene’s most tenacious pursuit, however—what Eugene believed to be the truest, most authentic experience for any human—was God. Eugene was never content with easy answers or formulaic spirituality. He believed God existed as the fiery center of everything that was truly life, everything that was truly good, everything that was truly human. This conviction explains why Eugene memorized vast portions of the Psalms (the Scriptures that centered his prayers for 70 years), why he often lived in tension between theological poles, why he read thousands of books from every genre (poetry, Church Fathers, Desert Mothers, fiction, biography, history, titles from the East and the West). Eugene had encountered a small flicker of God’s flame, and he wanted more. Eugene craved whatever was true and radical, nothing easy. Eugene craved a genuine experience with God.

This hunger for something radical—something so true that it burned in his bones—was a constant in Eugene’s life. His longing for God ignited a ferocity in his soul. His story did not follow a straight line. There were many failings. But Eugene’s life reminds us that it is possible to live with a burning passion for The Holy.