Beautifully Refined: Growing in Christ Day by Dayনমুনা

Have you ever experienced a season in your life that you thought would never end?

My struggle with infertility felt like it lasted forever. When I found out it was probably because my cycles were a little “off,” I thought, “No big deal. I’ll just take a pill. I’ll be pregnant in no time.”

Except I wasn’t.

Next, I had minor surgery to make sure there wasn’t something else amiss. Two tiny scars and a lot of worries later, and that too was checked off the list—no problem there. It just boiled down to wonky hormonal imbalances. That and time.

Oh, time—the hardest struggle of all.

As the days passed, my obsession with my fertility only increased. Would it happen this month? How about the next month? 

Nope. Nothing. Two, then three friends had babies.

I began to realize pregnancy might never happen for me. I had to figure out a way to reconcile with that without it killing my soul. Finally, I surrendered to the truth—God had a plan for my life. If it didn’t include birthing children, I’d adopt or figure out some other way to be a mom. Either way, I learned to embrace the hardship. I found joy in the center of my pain.

Long walks turned into meditative moments with God, and I realized, one way or the other, everything was going to be OK.

Later, I did get pregnant. Now I have two kids and two stepkids, ages 11, 12, 13, and 14. I look back on that time and see what I couldn’t see then; that trial was a testing period. The struggle taught me to rely on God, to trust His plan for my life, and to surrender my own desires for whatever mysteries He had in store for me.

It wasn’t easy. That experience that produced anguish and a bucket of tears strengthened me as a woman of God. It helped me cultivate soul-survival skills I didn’t know I possessed.

The apostle James says we should consider it “joy” whenever we face trials. He writes, “You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

My perseverance through difficulties and disappointments matured and ripened me. It prepared me for even harder struggles I experienced later, including divorce and poverty. And it helped me blossom as a daughter of God, ready and willing to shove my own wishes aside to truly embrace whatever it is He has planned.

Hardship isn’t fun. But looking back on previous difficulties shows me God’s hand in a perspective I didn’t see at the time. I’m grateful for the hard times, for they’ve made me the woman of faith I am today. And I don’t fear the hardships ahead of me.

For as the apostle Paul declares, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).

~Jessica Brodie