Before You Splitনমুনা

“Split, Survive, or Save”

The ideal of marriage is a beautiful thing, but the reality can sometimes be shockingly different. Have you ever reached a point in your marriage where you’re saying, “I can’t do this anymore”? If that’s you right now, let me say I’m sorry, because it’s a hard place to be. 

You may not be sure what to do next. Let’s look at your three options.

Save

When I talk about saving your marriage, I’m talking about transforming your marriage into one that makes you both feel loved, cared for, and fully satisfied. When you’ve been struggling for a while, you may think it’s not even possible anymore. 

Ecclesiastes says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Sometimes my husband, Carey, and I were like two broken strands. But, Jesus was the third strand whose love held us together.

Why were we broken and struggling so much? One major problem was our pride that kept us from seeing the ways we needed to change to become more loving.

Split

While we were struggling, I naturally assumed Carey must be mainly to blame. I had a hard time resisting the impulse to run away from the deep pain in our marriage.

Now, there’s a difference between an unhappy marriage and a harmful one. If you’re not sure which one yours is, speak to a wise mentor, counselor, or pastor, and listen to their advice. 

As a divorce attorney, some people told me they didn’t actually leave their problems behind when they left their partner. They ended up with another set of problems.

Survive

Surviving in your marriage means staying together without a heartfelt connection. You may feel more like roommates or family business partners.

One of the problems is, if your marriage feels like a business deal, lacking a real emotional bond, sooner or later one of you may end up respond­ing to that empty feeling inside in an unhealthy way.

However, surviving in your marriage may be a wonderful option as you work on rebuilding your heartfelt bond.

What Carey and I have found over all these years is that humbly drawing near to God and surrendering to Jesus’s ways helped us build a marriage we would never dream of leaving.

Jesus, please fill me with your wisdom to see what to do next in my marriage, and fill me with the love and power to do it.