Outlaw Christian: Finding Authentic Faithনমুনা

Angry at the Almighty?
Tell God the Truth

Have you ever had angry thoughts toward God, even if only for a second, in a children’s cancer ward, a nursing home, a housing project, a courtroom, or in front of images of dead bodies being pulled from a movie-theatre shooting massacre?

If you answered yes, then the important thing to realize is: you are not alone. You feel alone, I know. I know this because I often feel the same way, but really, nothing could be further from the truth. You feel alone not because you really are alone but because of the nasty, unwritten faith-law that demands we keep such “sinful” thoughts secret and hidden from each other.

I have decided—as would be the case with any other friend I truly love—that not telling God what’s on my heart feels like badmouthing God inside the closet of my mind. I am coming out of the closet as a Christian who is, some of the time, very pissed off at God. Okay, a lot of the time. God already knows this anyway, I imagine, because as Psalm 44:21 says, God knows the secrets of our hearts.

Job told God exactly how furious he felt and God did not run away from him, shouting, “Traitor!” or “Sinner!” Instead, God showed up. When I yell at God, I secretly want this more than anything. Most people who are really angry at God just want God to come back home, already, and stop being a run-away. Though God’s whirlwind explanation to Job might fail to satisfy, the fact remains that God rewards Job’s honesty with his presence.

The liberating truth is that ultimately, God doesn’t intimidate; God authenticates. What God authenticates is your heartrending struggle to be in relationship with Love even when it feels like Love has left you.