Change Your Words, Change Your Marriageনমুনা

 Destroying Unity—One Word at a Time 

Criticism A wise sage, E. Stanley Jones, once said that of the many dangers lurking to destroy fellowship, criticism was at the top of his list. Critical words are insidious. They form in the swampland of the soul and take root, building walls the spirit of fellowship cannot penetrate. What makes criticism so powerful is that it does its nasty work when even left as secret criticism not even voiced. 

We are not beings that have a spirit. We are first spirits residing in a body—there is a difference—this body will waste away. Our fellowship with our spouse can be broken because we are critical or even harbor secret criticism. Unity in marriage is based on confidence; criticism breaks that confidence. We must fast criticism and treat it as the sin it is—repenting before the Lord and our mate. 

Judgments  There are only a few critical issues that are foundational to have unity in your marriage. Some of the most obvious are: forgiveness, humility, and not judging. There are two primary ways we judge: we ascribe value to someone, and we think we know someone’s motivation. I realize those words are probably ringing in your ears right now, the number of times your spouse has said, “I know exactly why you did that!”

Jesus has made us a promise about judging, but I promise you it is not one you want to engage. He made it as simple as He could: Don’t judge; if you do, it will be poured back on you by your own standard (Matt. 7:1-5). 

When you judge your spouse or others, you set yourself up for failure in every relationship. There is no worse position than inserting yourself in God’s place. Take judgments captive by fasting them out of your marriage. You will be freed to appreciate your spouse for the majestic person they are in Christ.

Gossip Just the word has a wicked sound to it. Gossip is a staple in the enemy’s arsenal. Few words have such immediate impact on relationships; it is a unity buster. Here’s a simple definition of gossip: sharing information with someone who is not a part of the problem or the solution to a problem. 

Don’t let the enemy trip you up. Be careful about what you share about your spouse and whom you share with. You have the power to make your marriage a safe place.