Living Changed: Embracing Identityনমুনা

Avoiding the Comparison Trap

Do you ever think things like, “If I were that thin, then I’d have a husband,” or “If I were as smart as her, I’d have gotten the promotion,” or “why can’t my kids behave like hers?” If you’ve ever felt deflated because you weren’t the same as someone else, then you’ve probably been caught in the comparison trap. 

Growing up, boys would always compare me to my sister. They would say I was all right, but that my sister was “the hot one.” Hearing that was like getting my feet swept out from under me. I so desperately wanted to be accepted, but instead, I was constantly hurt by rejection. I knew that even if I ate less, bleached my hair, and coordinated the perfect outfits, I could never be the same as her and I would never be enough. 

Later in life, as I stood looking at the Rocky Mountains, I was overwhelmed by how stunningly beautiful and majestic they were. In that moment, God whispered to my heart that He had created those mountains and me. Gently speaking to me and saying, “You are even more beautiful than the mountains.” It was difficult for me to embrace the idea that the same Creator who had made this inspiring landscape, had also knit me together in my mother’s womb and given me the very features I criticized. It was then that I decided, if He says I’m beautiful, then I needed to begin to believe it. 

Many of us have convinced ourselves we’re not good enough. No matter what it is we want to be—thin, healthy, strong, smart, funny—we’re never enough. In reality, we’re only comparing what we can see on the surface, and sometimes what looks like a life of ease, is actually painful. We may be comparing ourselves to a size 6 when she has an eating disorder. We may think the woman at work has it all together, but her marriage is falling apart. We might wish we had someone’s picture-perfect family and not realize they’re suffering from depression. The truth is that none of us are perfect.

We have to stop comparing ourselves. If God wanted us to be the same, He would have created one perfect mold for all of humankind. Instead, He made us all unique. It’s so important we get this right because our view of ourselves shapes how we interact with other people. It affects the decisions we make. It directs our lives. When we compare ourselves to others, we forfeit our God-given peace, joy, and confidence. However, when we make our thoughts obedient to Christ and align our minds with what God says about us in the Bible, we find His path for our lives. And the life He wants for us is full.

Action Step:

If you’ve never declared that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, start now. If you’ve forgotten to live every day in that truth, begin again. Take captive every negative thought of “I’m not good enough,” “I wish I looked like her,” or “I wish God had given me that,” and shut it down. You are a uniquely beautiful creation, a masterpiece designed by God, and He doesn’t make mistakes. You were created in His image. You are precious. Choose to believe it.