I See You, Momনমুনা

I Honor the Mess 

“Well isn’t he a little devil child?” 

The audiology technician was checking my almost 2 year old’s ears after healing from his ear-tube surgery some time before. My son was not cooperating. It was a nightmare. And that’s when she said it--that little phrase with a short chuckle as if I would, of course, agree with her. 

I felt them, all of the emotions: rage, hurt, shock, shame. And the only reaction I could muster, that didn’t result in violence, was a short, “cough.”

In her frustration of being kept from doing her job, she didn’t see us. 

She didn’t see on his chart that he had faced four surgeries that year and had two more to go. She didn’t see that he was on five different steroids and medications. She didn’t see a little boy that was tired of being poked and prodded by strangers. She didn’t see a mom who was petrified every time a doctor walked in the room after a test, not knowing what he would say. I didn’t choose this for my child. My child didn’t choose his health issues either. And in that moment we were both blindsided by someone who clearly didn’t see us. 

In the book of Genesis (ch.16) there is a story of a servant who felt the same way. Hagar felt invisible. She did not choose motherhood. It was chosen for her. Sarai was sick of waiting on God’s promise for a child, so she gave her servant Hagar to Abraham so that he may have an heir. Hagar conceived and was mistreated by the jealous Sarai, so she ran away. An Angel of the Lord came to her with comfort and a promise. When everyone else saw an expendable woman, God saw a precious mother. Hagar then became the only one to give God a name. He is the “God Who Sees.” When she was invisible, a servant and outsider, God saw her and showed her kindness, even when those responsible for her did not.

Often when women are struggling in motherhood, outsiders respond with, “well she made the wrong choice. She should have done _____________.” Motherhood can not be put into a perfect cube-shaped box with a bow. It’s full of jagged corners and swervy lines. We should honor those rounded edges and soft spots with our words. See motherhood for what it is...messy. 

To the woman who got pregnant before she “planned.” To the woman who is facing years of surgeries, medical bills, and therapy or IEPs. To the woman who found a double line 6 weeks after having a baby. To the step-mom navigating co-parenting. To the woman who is raising 3 kids by herself. To the woman who just got all of her kids out of the house just to see them come back during a global pandemic, God says "I see you." God is a God who not only sees, but provides when motherhood becomes a minefield of choices. Today we honor those women who decide to choose motherhood even though it isn’t the easy or glamorous or even the planned route. 

Prayer:

Lord, please open our eyes to women who need us. Give us your grace, and your strength when we are faced with difficult choices in motherhood. Remind us that who we are in you is more important than the thoughts and views of others. Bless the women who are facing difficult choices with peace, understanding and confidence. Amen.