LOVE FORGIVESনমুনা

Have you ever experienced fear that is so crippling that you physically cannot move, or you physically feel sick?

I’ve only experienced this level of fear a few times in my life, but somehow every time is sketched in stone in my mind. In those moments it’s hard to hear verses like:

Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Emphasis added)

Growing up, I was verbally and, at times, physically hurt by my middle brother. My brother had anger issues and if my parents left me at home alone with my brother, I would lock myself in my bedroom. I was scared of what might happen because of what had happened. In the place I was supposed to feel protected, I was terrified. 

Fear started destroying my relationship with my brother. Not only did this fear impact my relationship with my brother but it also started affecting all the relationships in my life. That’s what fear does. Fear is a seed that is planted and turns into poison ivy; it begins weaving and affecting every part of your life.

My brother and I didn’t spend much time together in our 20’s. I moved away so we saw each other over the holidays, but, even then, someone else was always in the room with us.

Fast forward to November 2019, I was on the phone with my parents and they mentioned my brother was going to Charlotte. I happened to be driving to Charlotte as well and without thinking I told them I could take him. They were shocked and I was shocked at my offer. 

I had just read Bob Goff’s book EVERYBODY ALWAYS and I couldn’t get this book out of my head. Bob talks about loving difficult people and seeing Jesus in everyone because they are created in the image of God. I couldn’t let go of the fact that my brother was created in the image of Jesus. If I pray to see Jesus, to meet Him, to have a relationship with Him, yet I can’t look my brother in the eyes and see Jesus, do I really mean what I pray? Are my words true? Do my actions prove what I say I believe? 

This car ride was my first step to obeying Jesus and the first step of God breaking my fear. Was it easy? No. I was sick for two days leading up to the ride. Did I quote Scriptures to myself to try and make it better? Yes, and yet I was still overcome by it.

Isaiah 26:3 – You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You.

Isaiah 26:12 – Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us. 

2 Timothy 1:7 – For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

I chose to face my fear. I chose to ignore my feelings and be obedient to God. I chose to ask God to help me see Jesus in my brother’s eyes. I took my brother to Charlotte. 

God will take us back to the place of our original hurt so He can completely heal everything. He doesn’t do partial healings; He does whole healings. He cleans out our deepest wounds so no infection can form.

On this car ride, I started realizing God has had me on a long journey of healing. All the little steps of healing led to my car ride with my brother to Charlotte. I can’t explain it, but I remember somewhere in the mountains between Knoxville and Charlotte, my brother and I started talking about the beauty around us, and something within that moment broke me. God showed me that He didn’t miss one tear I cried over the years. He didn’t miss one painful moment with my brother. He was in the middle of everything and in His perfect timing brought healing and forgiveness. 

God sees you and loves you in the middle of your circumstances. 

God’s questions to me, and I believe to you too, are these: 

Will you trust Me? 

Will you trust Me when you’ve lost trust with the people around you? 

Will you let Me open the wound and bring complete healing to it? 

Will you completely surrender so I can heal you? 

Will you let Me love you so you will know how to love others?