Things Aboveনমুনা

HOW TO ENJOY GOD WHEN I DON'T FEEL HIM

Several years ago I went through a season of terrible anxiety. One day it came upon me like a freight train. And in a single moment, it was as if all hope, joy and peace were sucked out of my soul.

This lasted for close to two whole years, and the scariest part of it was that I couldn't ‘feel’ God at all. 

What I had previously felt in my relationship with God was completely gone. Prayer was incredibly difficult for over a year as every time I tried to orient myself towards God all I could feel was…nothing. This experience of not being able to ‘feel’ God rocked my faith in every possible way. And I began a journey of understanding what a relationship with God is. Hebrews 11:1 became an anchor for my soul in this season, as for the first time I had to wrestle with the decision of faith, which according to Hebrews is an assurance of what we hope for and do not see. There will be moments in the life of every follower of Jesus when you have to decide what you believe about God even when you can’t feel him. Where you lean on his character even when you can’t feel him. 

There are many circumstances in life that might make it difficult to feel God. For me, it was mental illness; for you, it might be a season of grief and loss or even a change in circumstances that you didn’t foresee.

The good news is that what you feel doesn’t change what is true. You can rest on the promises of who God is even when you don’t feel his presence. And then in time, the season will change and feeling will return with a new depth of meaning. Let me encourage you. When I was going through those two years of severe anxiety, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to feel God again. But I decided that even if I didn't, I would never give up on God because he would never give up on me. But eventually, as the anxiety left through intentional therapy, the ‘feeling’s’ returned. And now my relationship with the Father is both deeply experiential and resilient.

Have a listen to the song ‘waymaker’ as you read these scriptures today. Be encouraged that even when you don’t feel it, he’s working. And don’t forget that this devotional is designed to be paired with the podcast series ‘things above’ of the Generation Podcast. So have a listen to episode 3 of the podcast for a deeper discussion on how to enjoy God when I don’t feel him.