Growing in Hopeনমুনা

Marriage Pt. 2

Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a key principle in marriage. If you are going to be married, it is important to put your spouse before your parents. Biblical marriage requires leaving your parents and becoming “one” with your spouse, meaning that you should also not involve your parents in your marital problems. This has the potential to create more problems. You will be much quicker to forgive your spouse than your parents will. 

Remember, your marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship to His Bride, who is the Church. Being one with your spouse brings honor to God. Jesus prayed, “that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me”. (John 17) Jesus prayed that all of His people would be one, so that others would come to know Him. 

Paul says in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” In his book Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says the two complaints he hears the most in marriage counseling are from husbands who say, “She does not respect me” and wives who say, “He does not love me.” In short, husbands crave respect and wives crave love. 

Eggerichs says, “Without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love.” He calls this a “crazy cycle.” For a marriage to prosper, this cycle must be broken. The only way to change this dynamic is for the wife to respect her husband, despite his respectability, and for the husband to love his wife, despite her lovability. Someone has to break the cycle! It begins with you. 

This process begins with you loving your spouse, not complaining or talking bad about them. You will never change your spouse with negative or condemning words. However, you can begin the process of transformation for you both by speaking words of love and respect, and by praying for them. Respect your husband. Love your wife. 

Take personal responsibility for the condition of your marriage. You must do your part in obedience to God’s word and trust Him with the results. Love Jesus first and love your spouse second. Husbands, love your wives without condition. Wives, respect your husband without condition. Do this, and overtime, you will find peace and joy in your marriage that God desires for you to have. No one knows your spouse like God does. No one can change your spouse like He can. Obey God’s word and Trust Him. 

Your marriage will never be perfect. The only perfect thing is God himself. Avoid thinking that your marriage exists primarily for your benefit and satisfaction. Your marriage should first and foremost bring honor and glory to God; let this be your mindset. As you walk in obedience to God’s word through your marriage, He will transform you, making your character like His own. The Bible tells us in Romans 5:3-4, “knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope”. God can and will use trials in your marriage to refine you into the person He wants you to be. As your spouse walks in obedience to God, he or she will be transformed as well!

It is not too late to start being the husband or wife God has called you to be. God does not want you to give up on your spouse. Jesus has this to say about marriage in Mark 10:9, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Jesus says what he means. No one should separate the husband and wife, including the husband and wife.

Start today. Give your spouse the same grace and love Christ has given you. If you are struggling in your marriage, do not hesitate to seek help from trained Christian counselors.  

Remember, nothing worth having comes easily. Be the spouse the Bible calls you to be, and trust God to do the rest in your marriage.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, I desire for You to be honored in my life, in my marriage, and in all of my relationships. Teach me Your ways, forgive me of my own pride, selfishness and sin. Give me the strength to love and respect my spouse in the way You have called me to. Jesus, be at the very center of my life, of our marriage and of our home. Jesus, it’s all about You, so have Your way. In Your name, I pray. Amen.