Dreams Redeemedনমুনা

My very first Mother’s Day - A day I imagined would be filled with flowers and gushing sentiments. Instead, I found myself listening to a confession that would lead to the end of my marriage. Traumatized and grieving, I was in no condition to parent my baby girl for the first 24 hours. My dear friends were kind enough to take her for the night. 

When I arrived to pick her up the next day, I sat in a puddle of tears on their living room carpet, lamenting. “I was his bride. We made vows. We were supposed to raise children and have grandchildren together. We were going to break the cycle of divorce in our families. We were supposed to grow old together.” 

She listened compassionately before offering an observation. “Harmony, it sounds like you have painted a picture of what you wanted your life to look like. I know it’s hard, but it might be time to surrender the canvas and trust God to paint a new one”.

She was right. I was not only grieving the life I knew, but the one I had imagined we would have. Grief on top of grief. Most of us have spent time picturing what our lives will look like. We paint a canvas in our heads of our marriages, children, careers, friendships, and sometimes even timelines for all of these things. 

Vision is a good thing, but what happens when our dreams and expectations are shattered by life’s disappointment? By the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a marriage, or the loss of a career? How do we respond? Do we get angry towards God and respond in bitterness? Do we vow to never dream again, because it hurts too much to hope? Or, are we willing to pry our hands open and surrender the canvas of our lives to Him.

I too have painted a canvas of what my life would look like, but I have discovered that my canvas may not be consistent with the ultimate canvas that God is painting for me.

Fantasy can be idolatry. This happens when we put our trust in an image carved out by our minds. It can be much easier to place our trust in something we can see and control, than to place it in a God we cannot see and cannot control.

True relationship and intimacy can be scary. Healing can be scary. These things require trust and courage to walk with God along unfamiliar paths by ways we have not imagined. But God, our God, wants to take us on this journey. He will make our rough places smooth and bring light where there is none.

If we allow God’s floodlight to penetrate our hearts, He can expose the true source of our pain, so that healing can take place. Only then will we be able to see clearly what has propelled us to escape in fantasy. Only then will we be able to surrender the canvas of our lives to a good God, knowing that He can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask think or imagine!